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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Shamlessly Procrastinating

Well, here I am again after a long-ish absence, a result of the simple process of living and mothering and working and learning my new skills as a radio presenter for the darling community radio station up here in the trees - 3MDR 97.1FM. I've only been 'on air' since February and I'm enjoying it immensely but it does take up rather a lot of my (non-existent) spare time. Ah well.

I'm back primarily because my lovely friend, DocWitch, has inspired me to once more put fingers to keyboard and empty my overstuffed soul onto cyber page.

Life is somewhat (more) complicated at the moment due to my mother's ill health and the prospect of having to find a sensible time space continuum to fly back home to the UK for at least 3 months if not 1-2 years. The inevitable crunch time is finally upon us and I find myself incapable (not for the first time) of making any decisions as they ALL involve discomfort to someone but most especially me. Like most daughters, spending more than 2 days in my mother's company sends me fetal and requires serious post maternal visit therapy. I love her with all my lumpy, ill-used heart and would do anything for her. But I'm not sure I'd do that. Move home that is. The thought of spending more than a millisecond in Telford again sends me bleating back to my duvet with a stiff drink gripped betwixt my claws. I spent so long trying to get the hell out of there that I am, naturally, a little reticent to go back to do a 3 month long stretch - I simply don't believe that my karma is that bad! Anyway, as flippantly as i sound, I am under huge amounts of stress to decide mine and my family's (not to mention my businesses) futures. To complicate things further, we are currently trying for our second baby and I need to fly after my 1st trimester as I am unwilling to risk another miscarriage. And, Oh GOD, do I even need to mention the godawful flight? Australia to England - what a dreadful prospect. Especially as we finally flew over there at Christmas and are only now recovering full use of our ears and minds (and there is some debate about mine).

As if all of this isn't enough, I am experiencing something of an existential crisis. The landscape of my spiritual journey is changing and is bringing with it the inevitable quesitons about who I really am, where I'm really going and why I'm in this handbasket.

My daughter has spent the last two friday nights in our local hospital emergency room for two (thankfully) different reasons. First trip was after she disappeared down the rabbit hole ala Alice in Wonderland and from which I had to pluck her ankles first. She was cut and bleeding and it was a bit surreal. i'm surprised I didn't panic my arse off but I was relatively cool, calm and collected. Hospital visit took 5 hours and resulted in, well nothing actually. She was fine. The second visit was due to a very high temperature and a bout of uncontrollable shaking which distressed my poor wee bairn, which in itself is enough to have me heading for the nearest medical facility. Lily is a fantastic ill person (if you catch my drift), she is never distressed by illness and the fact that she was so last Friday was enough to have me grabbing my coat. I did phone my GP first (at 6pm), twice actually, and with increasing urgency. He finally got back to me at 11.40pm. He'd been to the Opera! It's not that I mind my poor doctor having a social life, it's that there is no system in place for passing the message on to another on call doctor when the call is obviously urgent but getting no response from doctor number one! Anyhoo, all was well in the end - we ended up home after a 4 hour wait. Here's hoping this Friday consists of a large bar of chocolate and an episode or 5 of Scrubs.

Interesting tidbit of information: Yesterday my astrological calendar said the following: Scorpio Moon plus a flowing connection between Venus and Jupiter in Earth signs, tempts us to fully indulge in sensual and sexual delights. Well, without getting too personal, me and my man ended up enjoying some of those sensual and sexual delights (together) last night as we found ourselves strangely pulled towards intimacy and loving. Strangely because anyone with children will know how loving gets put on a back burner when you are sleep deprived and about as sexy as week old washing. Earlier that day I had finally constructed my baby altar to welcome in the new soul and found myself being drawn to the royal blue and purples of Jupiter and when I finally cleansed and consecrated the space for the new baby, my CD was playing Gabriel by Lamb. This is significant to me as it is the song I walked up the aisle to and for one other reason which I will keep to myself. My hubble, for his part, found himself listening to the love dedications radio programme on the drive home and arrived all bursting with romance and love for his Kitty Wiff and daughter. That wonderful tiny enchantress Peru (the singing woman) provided a sensual musical background that was so magical and so perfect that it must have been the work of unseen hands. True synchronisity in action. So, here's hoping we will be welcoming the latest member of the AH clan in a mere 9 months time.

Best get myself off to bed now. All this writing is destracting me from the fact that I am, in fact, utterly exhausted. Still, it feels good to empty my busy head and I'll try and make this a regular visit from now on.

Namaste and may all your dreams be naughty ones...

1 comment:

docwitch said...

Yay! Welcome back - it's so good to be reading your rich wordiage m'love.

I had no idea about the wee Lily-girl's hospital visits - how very distressing. I will be thinking of you this Friday night - yes, you *will* be on the couch with fine choc and Scrubs. Lily will be curled up sleeping safe and well. There it is written.

That's a stressful situation with your mother. I hope that whatever decision you make on it offers you the best possible outcome, with as little stress and discomfort as poss. It's so hard to be caring for aging and ill parents, and being a mother of a young child will only add to that load. Then having the long distance element thrown in. I'm seeing this a lot, (and am beginning to be faced with it myself with my own mother).

Anyway, good to hear you're getting some good lovin'. I'm sure that it can't be anything like this: