The Solitude of Small Things

*photograph by mslume flickr

“You and I can turn and look at the silent river and wait. We know the current is there, hidden; and there are comings and goings from miles away that hold the stillness exactly before us. What the river says, that is what I say.”

Stafford

30-Days of Happiness have flung themselves past me with rude haste. It has been a mammoth month of family, friends, birthday's, anniversary's and the run up to Christmas. I have barely had time to take a breath, let alone a full pause for reflection. Hence the almost month long absence.

This morning as I sat in our sunroom, curled into my golden armchair, letting the (soon to be too hot) sun warm me and drinking tea, I allowed myself to relax. The invisible tension that normally holds me seeped away as the room got warmer. I allowed myself the luxury of silent, unspoiled, uninterrupted moments of nothing more than tea and sunshine. I even read a few chapters of a charming book I'm reading by Louise Erdrich. Her prose lulls me into a deeper contemplation of life and pulls up from the deep, the sensual pleasure of the solitude of small things. I am at ease. I am awake. I am present. It is delicious.

So many things have happened these last two months. We had October, the months of weddings. All of them beautiful, all of them enjoyable but only one of them truly mine. The beautiful Sol-y-luna married her lovely ging and all was well with the world.

Me and My Sister - in true form

November became the month of celebrations and family. My sister arrived from England for a month and, as I always find when we spend this much time in each other's company, our relationship opens and deepens. I have so much respect for my sister. Her life is not an easy one and she seems to have to fight for every inch of space and relief available to her, but she is still full of the life, the joi de vivre for which she is famous. Her youngest child (one of six - four of them an adopted family) is autistic and approaching the very difficult rite of passage that is puberty. It is difficult for most but even more so for children with autism. As she tries to negotiate his needs and desires and ensure that he gets the care and attention he needs in a mainstream school, she must also be on the lookout for those complications that come with puberty - things that can severely offset his health and happiness, like Epilepsy, to which autistic children become prone to around this time. Obviously, her month away from her child has been an adjustment for him too and it has shown in his increasing meltdowns. But this is her life. She is enured to it and he is the main focus of her existence right now. Such is a mother's love. Such is life.

What takes my breath away is that she does it all largely unsupported, with no-one to hand over to at the end of the very long day. There is no man at her back. No-one to crumple into when it all gets too hard, as it often does. There is no-one there to share the burden of her child's difficulties, our aging mother's infirmities and our brother's mental illness. Too much has been loaded onto her plate and it starts to show through the cracks in her armour. Strangely, I welcome the cracks. I love the parts where we start to break apart, to become real with one another. Not that the indomitable willed woman you are most likely to meet is not the real her, believe me it is. It's just that when the soft underbelly is exposed, that's when I love her most. Because I feel her pain, I share it and I understand it. I want to help. Even if it is only in the holding of the moment with her. I am grateful for these little insights into another's life, particularly when that other is my sister.

The hubble embracing Movember in style

November was also the month of my 40th birthday. And what a week that was. My gorgeous man showered me with love, affection and a beautiful white gold and diamond encrusted 'Eternity' ring. There was the surprise party (which was a total surprise!) which included being serenaded (for the first and only time in our 8-year relationship) by my husband, with a song he wrote just for me and which was as funny and sweet as a ditty from Flight of the Conchords. Then came the night in the swanky hotel, the date at the cinema followed by the sharing of very messy Nachos and much talking. It was, without exception, the best of birthdays.



THEN came the wonderful transitional event planned and executed brilliantly by the gorgeous Sol-y-luna. A red tent extravaganza which I can barely even begin to describe. I was massaged, bathed in rose petals, fed bowls of berries and nourishing teas. I was escorted down my own candle-lit stairs by my closest friends, each offering spirit gifts and blessings along the way and finally, I was smudged and shown into a red tent suffused with candle light and filled with the love and the generosity of the suprising and inspiring women in my life. It was enchantment.

It's a butterfly, ok? Just look at the hair - its fabulous!

This event was an opportunity to revisit my life, to share the steps that had led me to this place - this gateway into the afternoon of my life - and a chance to bless it all and release it all before continuing on my way. It was an opportunity for the women in my life to be present, to hold space for me in a sacred and timeless way and to offer me a container into which I could pour myself over and again. Plus, there were pressies! We danced, we laughed, we shared and the love and gratitude overflowed like good wine. It was an extraordinary few hours and a thing of enormous beauty. I have been held in that beauty and grace ever since. And I am very blessed by the women who shared that time with me.

We also shared two anniversary's. The first, our own. The hubble and I have been married now for five years. The second was the first year in our own house. Both were poignant, both were happy, both make me smile.

So, you can see why I may have been less than present in cyber-space, no? It has been a crazy time but a beautiful one and I'm not likely to forget any of it any time soon.

Plus there were these precious moments:

The evil pleasure of watching small children trying to eat doughnuts with no hands...heh heh heh (dress by the lovely and talented Nettles)

Looking for Puffing Billy (the train)

What's snorkelling mummy?

Fossicking around in rock pools - glorious beach days.

Roo Love.

And so, now comes the stilling of the rapidly beating life heart. As it settles into its usual casual (if slightly erratic) rhythm, my inner life can once again come into focus. I can sit and listen and write. I can prepare. I can acknowledge the fiery, spirited women who comprise my family and friends. I can hold my fears and my failings up to the light and know that I am loved no matter what. I can take a deep breath, fill my lungs with the air of silence that now pervades and allow it to take me where it will. I can pay attention to the life that nudges inside of me.

Bellycast

Today I am 17 1/2 weeks pregnant. I feel the baby roll inside me from time to time. The delicate touch of its little hands or feet on my womb that radiates a smile of pleasure through me. The reassuring little knocks and pokes that lets me know all is well within. It has been tiring and will no doubt continue to be so. I have a wired, active, busy and demanding toddler to love, cherish and grumble at. I hit these walls in the middle of the afternoon that have my feet taking me towards bed and sleep, even while my head screams 'Can't!' and my toddler seeks out my hand and my awareness. I am rarely alone with this new life and there is some small sadness in that. But so it is with the second and probably third and fourth children. We are not able to give the fierce attention to the second that was the right of the first. We are not able to sit with the little life inside of us and imagine the perfection of each little finger and toe. We are occasionally reminded of its presence through the miracle of movement and then, for a moment, the grace of motherhood peeps through. The rest of the time its business as usual with small children and of course, life as we know it. So I am grateful for these rare moments alone. Or rather, not alone but with child.



Today is likely to reach a horrific 39 degrees. It is a day of Extreme weather warning which means bushfires are likely. I am spending the day sweating and moaning in the city sharing a Christmas lunch with one of my beautiful women friends. My Beanie is spending the day in the air conditioned goodness of her nanna's house and the cat, I'm afraid, is on her own. No doubt under the house lounging in the dirt, which is the coolest place around here, even now at 9am in the morning.

My 30-days of happiness has passed and, though I didn't have a chance to record it all here, consider this a mini roundup of all the bestest bits.

30 Days of Happiness - Day Three

The wonderful Tenzin Gyatso, the fourteenth Dalai Lama. I love this image of him. It so cheeky, like he was caught out by a really good joke.


Well, it's my day off today, so that's something to be happy about. My Beanie-girl is at her Nanna's for the day, (no doubt maintaining her worm farm and planting potatoes), while I prepare our home for incoming. My sister and her (very verbose and 'hyper' friend) are arriving this evening, for a stay of 3-4 weeks. Whilst I am looking forward to some time with my sister and will no doubt enjoy meeting her friend, I am also bracing myself for a break in the peace and quiet I have been enjoying recently. I'm not good with constant noise and I hate constant talking for the sake of it. My family is very, very good at talking and absolutely terrible at listening. In fact, the reason we are so very good at talking is probably because there has never been a lull in the conversation long enough for any of us to actually be heard. It's all about who is the loudest and who can keep going the longest. So, if my beloved sister describes her friend as 'talkative' I can pretty much guarantee that she is going to be a handful. Oh dear Lord.

Still, it's good to meet new people and the nice bit about having visitors is that they keep me in 'good parent' mode. I am definitely a better parent when other people are watching, LOL. They will also provide entertainment for my extremely active toddler AND my sisters friend is Indian, so she wants to spend her time with us cooking traditional Indian dishes. I am ALL up for that. I LOVE Indian food and have very fond memories of Masal Dosa's for brekkie and lovely veggie curries and naan at night, when we were travelling through there. Yummo.

I have spent all morning emptying our closets and preparing bed's in our study/spare room (which has recently been revamped) and in our living room. They look pretty comfy considering. Excellent score of the week was the discovery of three packs of double bed sized, fresh, white cotten sheets for the bargain price of $5 the lot. They must have been in someone's attic for years because the packaging is vintage and the price was a supermarket sticker of $2.50 each! I even put out fresh towels and flannels on the end of the bed, like hotels do. It made me smile.

Interestingly enough, I have had two different pictures of the Dalai Lama come to me in the past week. I have always loved him. I refer to him as Daddy Dalai. My dad was so far from ideal I thought I would choose my own. He is it. Anyway, the two pics came at the same time as a reminder that the Dalai Lama would be in Australia in December for a series of talks.



Happy making is also finally getting excited about having a little someone small enough to fit into a pair of these. Now if I can just bribe someone to crochet them for me...

30 Days of Happiness - Day Two

Happy, Happy, Happy - Day Two

Finally getting my Amazon book delivery. A whole lot of books about gardening with children including the wonderful book Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots. Moon Garden here I come!

The quiet. As you know, noise has been an issue of late but at this time of day (early afternoon) it is very peaceful up here in these thar hills. I enjoy a quiet of soul soothing proportions broken more often than not by my own little noise maker. Tis bliss.

Spring Fairs - Tis the season of the Spring Fair and I LOVE them. Fun rides, great stalls, fresh food, little lambsies to pet and above all, lots of sunshine and fresh air. It's grrrrreat!

This song .

This clip - the funniest six minutes I've spent in a LONG time.

This photo of my beanie girl. God bless holidays.

30 Days of Happiness - Yup, Day One Again!

Rose of Grandmothers Songs by Frank Howell

I think I'll start this little effort again. It's been a weird month and I think I need to make a commitment to myself to post every day. That way, I'll find something to be happy about every day - even when it seems most difficult.

I'd also like to open this Joy-a-Day endeavour open to anyone who feels they would like to join in. Go on. You know you want to. Simply link back to this post in your first post and I'll try and make a list of everyone who participates. Note the word 'try' - I'm not that familiar with HTML code but I'll do my best.

So - 30 Days of Happiness - Day One - Again.

OK.

Well let's see. There have been many happy making days of late. Oh yes. Hence the me not being here.

Numero Uno

Weddings galore. We had the pleasure of witnessing not one but three sets of nuptuals in October. It was WAY more fun than it sounds. It started with a delightful wedding in Hamilton Island, where we spent a happy five days doing not much more than developing a delightful sunburn and visiting every more idyllic beaches. Oh and the main mode of transport over there is the delightful golf buggy, so that was hysterical. And the trio ended with the wonderful wedding of my darling Sol-y-Luna. She and the Ginge married in style in a beautiful garden setting in Beechworth at Beltane (also known as Hallowe'en in this country!). She entered like the true bride of summer and a glorious evening was enjoyed by all. It helped that the hubble and I stayed for two nights, sans kidlet, in the most gorgeous little cottage on a 75 acre farm. Oh sweet bliss thy name is no neighbours. If you happen to be up in Beechworth, do give Fleur and Digby a call at Candlebark Cottage. It's sublime. Hubble and I are thinking it might be time to bring back the name Digby.

Numero Dos
Finally finishing the painting of the Kitchen/Family Room/Dining area. It's only taken us the best part of a year. But yesterday, thanks to the babysitting sister-in-law and her new hubble, we finished it. Hurrah! It's fresh, it's white and it means that we need to paint our kitchen cupboards. It's finished just in time for my sister and her friend to arrive for a month.

Numero Tres
Entirley handing over the reigns for my 40th birthday shennanigans (or not as the case may be) to my bestie Sol-y and my hubble. Now I can simply get back to ignoring the fact that I am approaching 40 with indelicate haste and pretend it's not happening.

Numero Quatro
Spending time watching my Beanie-girl. She is so smart and so very, very funny. Even on my worst days, when I feel like I get everything wrong, I still find myself chuckling over the funny things she says or does. Plus, she's so purdy.

Spring Cloud by Frank Howell

Finally, Number Cinque
Being reminded by a good friend that I am never going to be the Earth Mother archetype of motherhood, no matter how much I wish this could be so. I am, in her words, a 'feisty' personality and as I think I have said before in my post 'On Being A Rooster' I have to start allowing myself to be the mother that I actually am. It comes from a place of fearing that I am never going to be enough, either for my child or myself, and it needs to stop. I have to find the positive aspects of being the feisty mother that I am and stop focusing all of my attention on the negative aspects of my personality. I am flawed, yes, certainly. I am emotionally unravelling, u-huh. But who knows? This may actually be for the best. Maybe when the unravelling is complete, there will be someone standing there free of all previous assumptions about themselves and free from the peril of always identifying with someone else instead of being themselves. It doesn't mean I can't strive to be better at some things but it does mean that I don't have to spend my life hating the mother that I am and wishing for it all to be different.

I know i've come to this realisation before but rather than being upset about it, I am grateful that I am being reminded that I already know this stuff. Because maybe, just maybe, it means that I know all the other stuff that will get me to where I want to be, too.

So jump on board the joy wagon and have 30 Days of Happiness with me. I look forward to reading your contributions and sharing in your happiness.

30 Days of Happiness Day Six & Fifteen Films

Okay. So it's more of a 30 POSTS of Happiness as I simply don't get the chance to post every day. Still, 30 posts is almost as good as 30 days AND trust me when I say I am applying the theory every day, even when I don't show you guys what's making me smile. There. Justification over.

Having said that, many things are making me happy at the moment.

Poetry: I've been dipping into some wonderful poetry books recently. I wanted to share this one with you:

Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety –
best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light –
good morning, good morning, good morning.
Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

The hubble achieving his first real win in his new job, which means job security, at least for now. Whoohoo! Plus, because the client fell in love with his ad, they awarded the agency LOTS of new business. So double Whoohoo with a Whoohoo on top! So proud of my creative man.



We've booked our apres Crimbo holiday at the beach with the (extended) family courtesy of moi. Yes, I diligently trawled the internet pages to find anything that wasn't already booked or exorbitantly expensive (just so I can be surrounded by a bunch of schoolies on their annual 'Binge and Barf' New Years migration) and found somewhere just wunderbar, close to the front beach (no being wiped out by surf for me, no sirree) and near Sorrento, (mmmm posh coffee). It's actually very cool and last year my libido came roaring back into startled life, so here's to more of that! On top of this goodness, it's an Eco House, so I can have my holiday and save the world. How good is that?!



Stealthily plotting Sol-Y-Luna's Hen's Party has been delicious. The invites are out so let the games begin! I do love plotting a good surprise.

Today our playgroup took the ankle-biters to an area called Birdsland in Tecoma. It's one of many beautiful picnic grounds in our area and one I had never been to before. As expected, the Beanster got wet and muddy very quickly but boy did she ever have FUN! Almost every child was there and there was a picnic and lots of walking and climbing and running amok. Watching my girl running full pelt through the white blossomed onion grass, with all of her little pint sized pals was simply joyous. I wanted to capture the whole experience and carry it in my heart. There was just something about it that I can't adequately explain, and it just caught me off guard and made me melt.

Also enjoying afternoon naps with the small fry. So snuggly wuggly and warm and cosy. Just delish.



Spring Cleaning. I know. Just the word 'cleaning' usually brings me out into a cold sweat, but there is something most satifsying about clearing out ones crap. And Spring is most definitely, fragrantly, in the air, so it's the perfect time to do it. Watching piles of things to throw out or donate building up by the door gives me a perverse sense of satisfaction and goodliness. (Pauses for a smug smile).

Fifteen Films
Now, I've been tagged by the divine Doc to name Fifteen Films I've watched or that have stayed with me. So. Da rules (as posted by DocWitch): List 15 films that you've seen that have really stayed with you, and that will always stick with you. The first 15 that you can recall in no more than 15 minutes, (gah! I know - it's quite hard, but a lot of fun). They won't necessarily be "Great Films", or even the ones that you enjoyed the most. So it's not a definitive list of best all-time films. How hard would that be? *Shudder*.

So mine, in no particular order are:

1. Snowcake - Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Carrie-Ann Moss - Very good film
2. The Changeling
3. Scrubs - not the funny TV series of which I am a mighty fan, but a very disturbing film about young people in Wormwood Scrubs Prison and starring a very young Ray Winston. It really (unhappily) lived with me for quite a while. (Young guys being buggared in a greenhouse and then cutting off their own penises will do that to an impressionable 13 yr old).
4. Bell, Book & Candle - Kim Novak, James Stewart
5. Shrek one, two and three (blame my 3 yr old who is obsessed)
6. Practical Magic
7. Lord of the Rings - all three
8. Knocked Up
9. Hot Fuzz (are you seeing a pattern here) - this film is SO bloody funny
10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (starring the delicious Russell Brand)
11. Never Ending Story
12. Twilight
13. Dirty Dancing
14. Desperately Seeking Susan
15. Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Predjudice (a twofer as I LOVE Austen adaptations and I've been known to watch many, one after another).

So, you know the drill, do your thang and link back to this post.

I've also been questioning the meaning of life, mine obviously, but that's for a longer post.

Until then - adios amigos

30 Days of Happiness - Days Two, Three, Four & Five

Reasons to be cheerful parts two, three, four and five.

Well what a lovely few days its been.

On Wednesday we caught the best of the spring weather with friends down at Mount Eliza and spent a happy two hours on the beach with the small fry. Beanie, being entirely unbothered by sub zero aquatic temperatures, waded into the freezing water up to her kneecaps. I would like to just point out here that the water in Melbourne is freezing even on days of 40+.

Lily and BFF Lana surprise the water with their cheeky barefootedness.

It was a glorious day - one of the best I can remember recently. We spent ALL day outside in the beautiful spring sunshine moving from beach to lunch to park to a different park and finally, with much resistance from my deliriously tired child, home.


Also making me delirously happy this week is the fact that my daughter is finally potty trained.

YAY! simply does not cover it. Think of something super exciting, possibly with a loud and prolonged squeal attached, and then multiply it by 1000 and that's where I'm at. The joy I feel is slightly more than my dark lusty thoughts about Ryan Reynolds. You will note that she is wearing knickers in the above pictures. We've had a few minor accidents and one major incident which I have tried diligently to wipe from my memory, but apart from that, my girl is going great guns. When caught short outside she simply informed me that she would 'squat down here like a dog.' We don't have a dog. Should I be worried?

She is adorable, no?


I love the beach. I think I love it almost as much as my gorgeous beanie-girl. It's so nice to look forward to spending more time down there now that the weather is starting to get warmer.
Mamma and me - wellies

We've also been getting creative in the kitchen. We made gingerbread men from a Steiner snack book recipe (using molasses and honey instead of sugar) - they turned out yummilicious and we then attacked them with a huge amount of glitter gel. As you can see, we got a tiny bit carried away. Ok, I did. Still, it was funny and the gel is surprisingly tasty for something that contains almost no natural ingredients!

Our culinary masterpieces in all their...um...glory.

Also making me happy these past few days is:
Deciding to have another baby.
Discovering new artists including the delicious Bearkat
Buying some cute new swimmers for my baby girl - I may have gone a little bit overboard but damn it she's going to look so lovely when we disappear off to Hamilton Island for five days for a friends wedding. Something else that is making me very happy.
My new funkadelic glasses (photo to come) made me quite smiley. Yes, it's true, my left eye went and got middle aged on me. The right one is a little annoyed to be honest. Still, when I put them on I could suddenly see more clearly. Guess that's the proof in the proverbial pudding innit.
Just watched the second series of Flight of the Conchords and yup, it's just as fandabbydosy as the first. Some highlights for me were sugalumps and epileptic dogs.

And finally, a kiss is not a contract - remember that ladies.

Oh those cheeky boys.

30 Days of Happiness - Day One

Reasons to be cheerful part one.

Today's Happy is Dancing the Body Ecstatic



Attending a two and a half hour dance/moving meditation class on a Sunday morning. Yes, I did indeed go and stretch forth my mind, body and spirit. It took a while for the seed to begin to poke her head out of the lovely rich soil in which she has been hibernating/hiding these past long years but when she did...boy oh boy was that fun.

I don't have a photograph of the class, so this rather saucy stripey-legged picture of Rachel Brice, tribal belly dancer extraordinaire, will have to represent my ecstatic dance experience. I will be going back for more. Oh yes indeedy.

And there's more...

To fuel my body and give me a reason to barefoot it (not to mention the skippety skip and jazz hands) around the house, I have ordered the divine CD Beats Antique by Tribal Derivations. Check it out at www.lastfm.com for all that's good about tribal belly dance music. Mmmmm it's heavenly, particularly the title track 'Derivation' - all sultry goodness. Plus LastFM is the best place to find new music. So far I've discovered three new artists that I love. Good times abound.

This post is part of my second year of '30 Days of Happiness' blogging. Given how Joni Mitchell Blue I have been on and off recently, I was looking for a reason to focus on all the things that are good in my life and, as usual, BlueBirdBaby came up with the goods. If you'd like to get in on the Happiness action, go visit Erin and leave a comment asking to jump on board, then get posting. You'll get a link to your blog and to your Happiness Posts from her blog. Plus, you get to meet her - one of the coolest chicks in blogland.

ps. If you think that dancing is just for skinny chicks, take a look at the vintage belly dancers postcard below...



Love it.

The End of My Happiness?

Beautiful Beanie

And so, this post completes my 30 Days of Happiness extravaganza. It has been a really interesting journey. It's actually a lot more work than you would imagine but what I really like is that it requires a level of awareness in daily life that we don't normally exhibit. I enjoyed being a bit more 'in the moment' which I normally find quite difficult. True, there were days when it all felt a bit of a chore to try and record what gives me happiness and there are days when you cannot photograph what brings you joy, but the fact that I did it served to make me more aware every day of those things that do. I smiled more as a result of my undertaking and I really was amazed at how much joy and happiness my daughter brings me every day. This was a very special gift for me and one I will cherish.

It turns out I'm pretty easily pleased. The things I really love, my Beanie, my hubble, my spiritual journey, my fire, a hot chocolate, nature, a good book or 20 - are all things that don't require any great sacrifice of time or energy or even money. They are things that make me feel safe and at home and they can all be with me wherever I find myself. The revelation of this is that my needs can really be reduced to just these few simple things which create for me a sense of comfort and peace. This is another gift to cherish. We live in a world which encourages us hourly to buy more, to do more, to have more. I found in these 30 days that the things which give me real joy cannot (for the most part) be bought (books and hot choccie aside). I know, it sounds like a cliche but I do not need the latest fashion or a bigger bank account (although that would be nice, I'm sure) - I don't even need a slimmer figure or more perky boobs. All I need is my family and a few home comforts to make me truly happy and that's something to be remembered when I get caught up in the frenzy of life again.

30 Days of Happiness - Day 29 & 30

Happiness is...

Spending two days exploring the Tarot with one of the world's experts on the subject, Rachel Pollack. The wonderful Tarot Guild of Australia brought Rachel over for some work all over Australia and their courses are very good. Plus, the food they put on as part of the workshops - scrummy!

I was a tiny bit disappointed in the full day workshop on Saturday. Not with the subject matter which was The Hanged Man and the minor arcana suit of Swords - both of which I enjoyed exploring. More that there was too much talking with not enough practical enjoyment of the cards and spreads, which is where I think I learn the most. I got a bit bored half way through the day and it never really livened up after that. Given her level of expertise and knowledge, I really expected a bit more practical stuff. She also has a very distracting vocal tick which sounds like she's phlegmy.


The Rider-Waite Deck

Most people start out learning Tarot using the Rider-Waiter Deck and i was certainly no exception. They are easy to interpret and full of symbolism. However, sooner or later, you find yourself salivating over other, more artistic or colourful or outlandish packs and eventually one chooses you and demands that you buy it and take it home.

I am a bit of a Tarot whore. I have many packs. I have the Thoth pack by Aleister Crowley. I love the artwork by Lady Freida Harris but they are so heavily symbolic that it can be a bit of a chore to read with them.

Thoth Pack


Priestess Card from the Thoth Pack

I used these cards for readings for a very long time but eventually wanted something more lighthearted. I chose the Witches Tarot and then, not long after I bought that pack, the beautiful Druidcraft Tarot by Stephanie and Philip Carr-Gomm
sang to me like a Siren and I was lost. I simply HAD to have this pack.


The High Priestess


The Lovers
I adore this image. It's so sensual and so absolutely what the word 'lovers' conjures up for me. The sleep of spent passion. The abundant nature all around the two makes one feel wild and uninhibited again. Just beautiful.


Cernunnos (Horned God, Lord of the Green Wood). (The Devil card in traditional packs).

I love this card. The Devil card is generally about self-imposed bondage and the fear of fear itself but here this idea is turned on its head somewhat, with the beautiful Horned God energy so present. Yes, there is still a tremor of fear in this card, who wouldn't quake in the presence of Pan himself? Yet, there is again that feeling of freedom, of wildness, of power in the raw and I love it. The lovers are there again in the foreground. I like to think that it's his energy which has led them into their passionate embrace. Dark and mysterious yet so natural.


This is just an overview of some of the major arcana. The images are so lush in this pack, I just want to eat them up.

Aside from Tarot packs, I also have a few Oracles such as the beautiful Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and Hrana Janto.


Isis - the card of mothering


Kali - one to call on when cutting away things you no longer need.


Couldn't resist this image - sorry.

I used to have a real problem with the image of the Sheila Na Gig (a Goddess found on churches and mystical sites all over Ireland until they systematically destroyed them with the fire of Catholicism), until I realised that she was (and is) a very potent symbol of feminine power. The power to give life, to birth it into the world as babies, as ideas, as new life in all forms. The thing that most people struggle with is that in this image she is an old woman. I think that as a culture obsessed with youth and beauty, we really find it hard to accept that there is still power in the Yoni of an old woman and that she might want to use that power in her life. It's such a confronting image but I do just love it. Sometimes confronting the power and beauty of our own bodies (at whatever age) is what we most need to do to find peace and step into our own wisdom.


My favourite mythological personage - Morgan Le Fay - witch sister of Arthur and Priestess of Avalon.

I am curently working a little with the Spirit of The Wheel Oracle.


It is more of a shamanic deck with gorgeous medicine shields of animals and titles like Ripe Berries Moon and Long Snows Moon. I like the Native American feel to this deck and I am using a card daily to connect me with the power of Great Spirit.It's lovely to work with and has a little prayer at the end of each card explanation that is lovely to say daily.

The Tarot is a very valuable tool for self-exploration and self-growth and need not be held purely in the realm of psychics and fairground Gypsies. I find it useful as part of my daily meditation practice to just tune in to my cards, choose one for the day and then see how accurate its message was by days end. It also attunes me more deeply to my cards so that I can use them more effectively when I read for other people.

30 Days of Happiness - Day 18

Happiness is...

Birdwatching over a baby cino and a hot chocolate at The Kallista Tea Rooms in Kallista and...





My daughters sense of humour.