The Awakened Heart

Oh. Hells. Yeah.

2011-09-13T23:36:00.000+10:00

MOVING MY BLOG

2011-08-29T10:54:00.000+10:00

Yes.
Well.
That's right.

Blogger is still not responding to my many requests to sort out the issue with not being able to post photographs from my computer, which means I have been missing out on posting my 'This Moment' shots. And I can't update you with all the fun things we've been doing or my most recently completed crafty bits.

It's all very frustrating actually. So, I've been proactive and I have set myself up a new blog account with Wordpress who, rumour has it, has a VERY responsive customer service forum. Unlike Blogger who seem to spend most of their time half helping or ignoring me. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. There seems to have been a few people with this same issue and yet, here it still is. The above photo was from my blog, so it didn't have to 'upload' as such. This is what they look like when they come from my computer:

So - not good then.

It's a shame really. I've really enjoyed posting here and I hate to have to move, especially because it's a hassle for anyone who follows me to have to move too. And I suspect that a fair few people just won't. Life is too short and all that. So, why don't you go visit now and sign up for the newer, better, brighter Awakened Heart and be the first to follow me into a brave new wordpress world. If you want to that is. Don't feel pressured. I understand. You have a busy life and so many blogs to follow...

Still.

It is ME we're talking about, right?

I'm kinda funny and sincere and occasionally a bit deep.

My photography is a bit wonky but it's real. A lot like me.

And I would LOVE you come and see me and play and let me know what's happening for you. I'm only over here.

It's not very far to go. And there WILL be photos. Honest Injun.

So. Um. Will ya? Please? I don't want to end up a giant 'Billy no mates', twiddling my virtual thumbs and talking to myself. Again.

https://www.theawakenedheart.wordpress.com

I'll be there to say 'Hi' and give you a warm hug. Sorta.

Ahem. (cough, cough). So, bye for now then.

See ya (I hope).

Aurevoir.

Kitty Kat Spangles

So, I'll leave you for now and hope that Blogger finds the time and energy to at least look at the problem and in the meantime, I'll go play with Wordpress.

Ho Hum.

This Moment

2011-08-19T17:35:00.000+10:00

Peekaboo - A Friday Ritual Inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Please feel free to add your moment.

I Am Giving It Away - Literally!

2011-08-16T21:35:00.000+10:00

Hello

This is just a shortie to tell you about my very first GIVEAWAY! I know! I'm so excited!

Anyway, because I'd love you all to be in with a chance to win my little gal, I suggest you pop along to This Cosy Life and have a gander at Julie's 'Meltdown Mondays' page. And if you leave a comment, you might win our beautiful Winter Angel.

I'll be back soon with a more detailed catch up. I'd put up a picture but you know, still having 'ishews' with uploading photos, so not sure how I'll sort all that out. Booooh!

Hope you are enjoying a fantastic start to the week.

{This Moment}

2011-08-13T08:07:00.000+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - ~~no words~~ - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Please feel free to add your moment.

*Still unable to upload photos from my computer to Blogger and still not really getting any help. Not sure when this is going to be resolved, so I've had to use an image from a while ago. Better something than nothing, right?

If anyone has had similar issues with Blogger and has had them resolved, please share. I've tried everything and it looks like this particular problem is not going away any time soon. Bah!

Blogger Has ISHEWS

2011-08-10T00:01:00.000+10:00

Sorry for the severe lack of posting recently. I have been having some issues with Blogger and it's sudden inability to upload any of my photos. This is NOT one of mine and it's fine with this. If it cannot be resolved, I may have to pack up my caravan and move elsewhere but I hope that you will bear with me while I try to get it sorted. It's kind of difficult because the only way to let them know you have a problem is through a kind of forum and it's staffed by volunteers, so one can't expect them to be overly swift or 100% dedicated I guess.

I was going to do a big crafty update - Sheepy Pants and all but without photo uploader working for me, I canny do it Captain!

So - I will wrestle with blog shite, growl and sigh exasperatedly under my breath and hope to be back to fully functioning madness very soon.

Come back soon y'all!

{This Moment}

2011-07-31T22:42:00.000+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Please feel free to add your moment.

{This Moment}

2011-07-22T21:02:00.000+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Please feel free to add your moment.

{This Moment}

2011-07-16T00:07:00.001+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Please feel free to add your moment.

Beskow Bonanza!

2011-07-07T23:30:00.000+10:00

The Sun Egg by Elsa Beskow

Well, never let it be said that I don't share. Valarie over at Jump Into A Book is hosting a mammoth Elsa Beskow Book Giveaway. Yes. You could be the proud recipient of 19, that's right 19, Elsa Beskow beauties. I am so in!

Alls you have to do is to go and leave a comment on her post about the giveaway, if you'd like to win these lovely books for your little childers. I LOVE Elsa Beskow though she is quite hard to come by here in Australia. I do have one or two of her stories and The Sun Egg is such a sweet, sweet book. Anyway, hop on over there because you have to be in it, to win it!

In other news, I have been crafting away like something deranged. So expect another post shortly, with piccies from recent swaps and piccies of my recent 'making' wonky seams and all.

Now shoo!

{This Moment}

2011-07-02T22:55:00.001+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemama

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

{This Moment}

2011-06-24T17:02:00.002+10:00

A Friday Ritual inspired by Soulemamma

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Nourish Me:: Week Ten:: Putting Myself First

2011-06-23T15:07:00.000+10:00

I found this beautiful artwork here

I've been thinking about this post for a while now. I had lots of different nourishing things I wanted to talk about and to share with you. I have been busy doing all sorts of things and thought I could write about some of those but then I realised that I had been putting this subject off. *Sigh*

It's really hard for me to write about attachment parenting without coming up against all of my wants and needs and hopes and dreams for my children. It's hard for me to contemplate letting some of my hopes go but it's harder still to be here struggling, as I so often do, to do the right thing, but ever at my own expense. Does that sound selfish? Then I'll explain.

Right now, I am sitting in my bed at home choking my way through my fifth bout of bronchitis since last Winter. I have asthma so bad that I can't take an in or an out breath without rattling which leads to more coughing, coughing so hard it makes me gag. Coughing so hard I can't sleep. And so finally, at my husband's insistence, I started taking the cortisone that I have resisted taking in all the other episodes I've enjoyed. I started taking the damn cortisone because antibiotics were having no effect. I started taking them even though it meant abruptly interrupting my breastfeeding relationship with my wee Bear. It was not an easy decision to make but I hope that it was the right one.

The house is empty. As in, without the balls of funny, furiously active and beloved energy that are my babes. It is empty because I am worn out, completely run down (despite vitamin supplements and immunity tonics up the yin yang) and struggling to look after my babes with no voice (literally - I have laryngitis too), no energy and no patience . So my ever practical husband called in the reinforcements and his parents stepped up (as they always do - I am amazingly lucky to have the second family that I do) and the wee ones were whisked away to stay with his mum and dad for three, yes THREE, days. So that I can sleep, rest, get well, stop spreading these godawful germs around and find health, if it indeed still resides in this house of lurgy.

My little Finnamon Bun

The children and I have been consistently sick for a year now - since Finn was 2 weeks old and he got his first cold, followed swiftly by his first chest infection and his first dose of antibiotics. As each cold/infection/chesty episode went, within a week a new one was arriving. The children and I have spent more time at the doctors this year than I have at any other time in my life. I even joked to my GP that I should just camp out in his waiting room. Har bloody har.

So the house is empty and it feels... well barren actually. Devoid of life and energy. I can feel how alone I am in this big house that is normally so warm and full of them. I miss them terribly, particularly my wee bear because I keep feeling like he is so small and must not understand what is going on. Part of it is, of course, my ever present anxiety/PND/neuroses, but the other part is the loss of my connection to my babies. No little greedy face smiling up at me between drinks from his beloved boobie. No needs having to be met. No-one trotting in in the night for 'a quick snuggle' before being tucked back into her own bed. No sleepy, pink-cheeked, grumpy little face surrounded by fluffy bedhair, crying softly with eyes still closed, for cuddles, comfort and a return to sleep. Nothing. Just me and my man (even though that is always comforting) and the quiet of an empty house. And in the night I dreamt that I could hear Beanie calling out for me. "Mamma, mamma, no - I want mamma." I woke thinking that she was in the next room and was then stricken because I realised she was far away and I could not comfort her. Could not fold my tousled, long limbed, thumb-sucking, still so young, Beanie, into my arms and give her a mamma's sleepy late night kisses that let her know all is well. All is well.

Yes, she is asleep.

This is why I struggle. I struggle with the need to sometimes put myself and my needs first without feeling horrible guilt. I struggle with being with my kids and being without them. I struggle with ~~wanting~~ needing space and time and rest, and feeling resentful when I don't get it, the need to be there for my children when they need me to. Something has to give, doesn't it? And I've come to the, somewhat obvious, conclusion that it just doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Someone occasionally has to lose, if only for a little while, and up until now that has been me. I have consistently put myself second and have dragged myself through the days bone weary and tired beyond belief. I have done it when I have wanted to and when I would have given anything to be in a galaxy far, far away. And it has taken it's toll on me mentally and physically.

And this is where I find attachment parenting a little unyielding (and I am prepared to admit that the unyielding part may be just my interpretation of its ethos. I do set my own parenting bar very high). The co-sleeping I love right up until the part where I can't turn over because I have about a square inch of bed to myself and nowhere to put my arms, or I'm getting kicked in the back or boobs, or hit in the face by small arms and legs. Or, God forbid, there is a delicious warm sensation underneath me which suddenly and inexplicably goes cold and wet. The breastfeeding I love except where I get bitten and pinched and where I worry that I am going to affect Bear's health long term by giving him boobie milk tainted, no matter how minimally, with anti-depressants or the fact that he needs to stay attached to the boobie long, long, long after he has fallen asleep and immediately wakes up if I try to disconnect him. The carrying I love (and do a lot of ) right up to the part where my scoliosis plays up and the hip displacement joins in, just for funsies. The gentle discipline I love right up until the part where I want to tear my hair out and scream because trying to get my girl to do ANYTHING without a major meltdown is seemingly impossible, to the point where even my hubble is losing his cool and this man is second only to the Dalai Lama in terms of being peace. I love it all right up until the part where I am worn out, run down and in need of sleep and rest and peace.

Photo by eikei

Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to give any of these things up entirely. I love carrying the wee man for the most part. I love having him in bed with me and have done up until recently when I realised how much I missed being able to stretch out and not worry about accidentally walloping the wee man in the head. I sleep so lightly that its become almost impossible to have the bubs in the bed for any length of time. And you know, I want to be able to put him down in his cot and have fall into a much needed sleep, without me having to stand over him for 45 minutes. And I've noticed something interesting about this. Sometimes he'll be in my bed and restless, grizzling and turning over and over, so I scoop him up, pop him down in his cot and he goes straight to sleep. Perhaps even he needs a little space to himself now.

I guess what I'm trying to say, and what it has taken me over 4.5 years to learn, is that I have to take what works for me and leave the rest. Even if that does make me feel like a 'fake' attachment parent (and honestly, what parent isn't attached to their child?). I have to accept that in order to give them the best of me, I need to put myself and my needs first when I can. Mamma needs her body, her mind, her sleep, to herself sometimes. I need to trust that I am enough even in those areas I fail seemingly every day. Who gets it totally right? Even attachment parents who do everything by the book get things wrong. We are fallible human beings and it has taken me a lot of time and sadness to realise this. I won't be the 'perfect' mamma no matter how hard I try. I can only be me - a woman who stumbles and falls all the time, but still gets back up and tries again, tries harder. I have spent a lot of time wanting to be other people. It's probably why I studied acting. Yet, comparing myself to others never made me feel any better about being myself. It just gave me a whole other box of reasons to dislike myself and to ~~question~~ hate myself as a parent. I do want to get my issues under control. Of course i do. But I want to do without beating myself up all the time. I DO hold myself accountable. I DO take responsibility for myself and my actions but I don't need to exacerbate the problem with unkindness and a lack of compassion for myself. In some ways, I am still a child too. I need to put aside the fear based thoughts of what will become of my children in the future because what I have 'done to them' in the past, and trust, really trust, that their innate goodness, their own unique light, will shine no matter what. And that loving them, as deeply and as overwhelmingly as I do, will be enough. That I will be enough.

So my nest is empty and I am trying to drop into this new space and take care of myself without my thoughts consistently swinging towards my Beanie and Bear, wondering how they are, if they want to come home, if they are needing me... and concentrate on getting well. I'm not used to it. Normally I relish my time alone simply because it is so fleeting. Now I have three days of it and I don't know what to do with myself. My hubble insists that I sleep. He has told me, in no uncertain terms, that 'resting is not the same as sleeping'. I guess he doesn't get how restful crafting is for me but he's also got a point. Sleep is the one thing that has been consistently missing from my life for 4.5 years. Nourishing, deep, deep, restorative, dreamless sleep. Is that possible for me I wonder? I am so attuned to my babies sleep rhythms that I suspect that this kind of sleep may still elude me.

In my immediate future I forsee lots of expressing (not quite ready to give up feeding the wee boy yet, just while I am on nasty cortisone), knitting, sewing, napping, eating maltesers, reading, napping, watching movies, napping and then some of the aforementioned sleep.

I will leave with my sweet nourishy bites because everyone needs something cheerful at the end of a long rant.

:: watching :: Game of Thrones. If you haven't, you must. MUST.

:: loving :: crafts, crafts, crafts. Oh I have discovered dry needle felting and I cannot be stopped! Show and tell next post.

:: longing for:: this illness to be gone and to feel truly well again. Punching the air and leaping into the air kind of well.

:: looking forward to :: being rid of the old man 60-a-day phlegmy smokers cough, to finishing Finn's sheepy pants and starting on my 'Tea Leaves' cardigans for me and the Beanster (thanks DocWitchy!). Oh and starting on a little project for my lovely lady Sol-Y-Luna - she of the big heart and healing hands. She gave me a massage and now I am giving her something soft and warm and knitted, just for her own self.

:: heading towards :: adventure. Maine being the focus of that adventure. We are seriously looking into moving to Maine for a few years, just so that I can enjoy some snow and some time in the Northern Hemisphere, where everything makes sense to this northern girl again.

:: enjoying :: the cold, the mist, the bare trees, the occasional hail, the spare simplicity of Winter in the southern hemisphere. Audio books - fiction mainly because I have overdosed on non-fiction in recent years. It feels good to just sit back and enjoy a different kind of yarn (often with my yarn!). My creativity being stimulated by the lovely Goddess Leonie's e-courses and Goddess circle group. Don't be put off by the hippy look of the site, the woman is sharp as a tack and gives an amazing package for those creative ladies who want to delve further into their creativity or start up a new business. There is even a Goddess Circle which gives you access to support from other women and a chance to make connections. It's awesomeness. Chai, mocca lattes, Kate Bush and her wonderful album The Hounds of Love. Now that's winter in an album. The link takes you to my absolute favourite track from the album. Listen to it and you'll understand why I love it so much.

::making:: more wool roving summer fairies but this time with embellishments (piccies to come), sewing little birds for summer swaps, winter things for winter swaps and the beginnings of a daily rhythm chart for Lily, so she has some idea of what is happening next. It makes our days more peaceful if we have our path illuminated somewhat.

:: surprising myself :: not at all.

:: feeling :: weak and tired but at least I'm resting.

:: hoping for :: good health, energy and some time with good friends.

:: grateful for :: my supportive hubble and his amazing family.

And I've added a new nourishy bite -

:: just for funsies :: Funniest video on YouTube - I'm afraid that this is why people of the pagan persuasion are not often taken seriously. And where are they running to?

The Perfect Kiss

2011-06-21T23:54:00.000+10:00

I LOVE this picture

Not long ago, I joined a writing e-course called 'Writing Our Way Home'. It was a lovely course designed to stimulate a little writerly creativity and the support of the other group members was really lovely.

It's been over for a few months, well, two to be exact and in that time I have written zippety doo dah. In the course we were encouraged to observe something for five minutes, anything, the view outside your window, the children in the street, the changing season - whatever captures your attention and your imagination. Really looking takes practice. It's not the same as observing - that's more detached. This is about dropping into the moment and breathing it into and through you. It's about being fully present. Then you write a 'Small Stone' which is to say, a miniature poem or piece of prose like this one:

The rain a tin fingered metronome on my roof
my heart and unquiet mind is lulled
by the beat
of natures steely tears

Or this one:
His milky sleep
soft weighted in my arms
sweetly snoring

The idea is to write one small stone a day and to share it, if you want to, on the site. I have found that I very much enjoy writing these little 'proems' (a word I made up - see what I did? I joined poem with prose...clever, eh?) and will endeavour to write one a day. It's much like the oft mentioned fridge poetry, (using those magnetic word kits that stick to your fridge door), in that it stimulates your creativity and lets you play around with words for fun or for catharsis. I like both personally. Maybe we can call it 'funarsis.

"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when..."

Anyhoo, the people who run the courses (Kaspa and Fiona) have just gotten married and they requested that everyone who cared to, submit a small tone for their wedding, so that they could collate them into a big wedding book to commemorate the day. I thought this was a lovely idea and so here's what came to me:

Every moment

is a gift

Every breath

a wish

Every glance

a promise

Every touch

a union

May you always

Open into these moments

Like you do

Into a perfect kiss

See - big knickers can be sexy. It's what I keep telling my husband.

I like it. I especially like it when things come to me without any effort or time spent actually thinking about it. I simply thought of them and wrote. Stream of consciousness baby!

Anyway, I'll keep it brief for today. Suffice to say it's difficult to write a post on nourishment when one is up to ones dandruff in phlegm, with a hacking cough that could cut through wood. Oh and asthma - did I mention the asthma? That I haven't had since I was fifteen? That made its unwelcome appearance in the first of these FIVE (yes, that's what I said, FIVE) bronchial visits? That now requires a permanent use of puffers (oh, the memories of freezing school hockey pitches in England) and oh, an assortment of tonics, vitamins and, in this last bout, the abrupt breech of my breastfeeding relationship with my wee Bear while I take a three day course of fekkin' cortico-steroids, and the whisking away of aforementioned wee Bear and my Beanie-girl, while I attempt to recover. Well apparently, the one steroid makes me sleepy and, in my doctor's words, "If the baby wakes, you won't hear him." I am also not allowed to drive on them. What the? They have suggested this course of action the other four times but the fifth is the charm I suppose. I am SO over it and it's happening so often. But I really hate that I have to do it. Hate. It.

Frustrated much?

So, I'll keep my hands busy, try not to feel bereft of my babes (I do need the rest, I admit that) and attempt to free myself from the dastardly lurgy once and for all.

Oh and I completely lost my voice at the weekend. And we had visitors. And my husband had to work from home because I had to talk in a whisper. And it didn't come back. Until now. And I still sounds like a phone sex line.

"Hi, my name is Candy. What would you like me to do for you tonight..."

End scene.

Beanie & Bear

{this moment}

2011-06-10T21:34:00.000+10:00

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

A Little Birdie Told Me

2011-06-09T19:14:00.000+10:00

It's sort of like Tree Lightning, don't ya think?

So - I'm working on another nourishing post right now but while we're waiting (cue elevator music), here's something we made earlier...

The lovely (and enormously creative) Margaret over at We Bloom Here hosted a wonderful little 'Birdie' swap recently and I was excited to take part. (I know, I'm turning into some sort of swap slut now too). And so I whipped up these little critters for my two swap partners.

Inspired by the beautiful Fairytale of The Wild Swans

They are made of wool roving following a lovely, easy tutorial from the Living Crafts magazine. I have linked up to the page with the free patterns but you will need to buy the magazine to get the tutorial for these babies.

Birdie Num Num

I should have made them in black as we have black swans over here in Australia, rather than the more traditional white. But I'm from Britain and they don't make black wool roving around these 'ere parts, so white they is.

Showing off now...sparkly white winter tree..yum

I enjoyed making these birds so much that I made too many (even after the one I made for my beanie girl) and so I thought it would be nice for Margaret to have her own. After all, she created the swap and organised it all. So my little swan flew half way around the world to land on the cutest little heart doormat outside the gorgeous red door of the Blooms. It was serendipity I think.

Swan Lake

Would rainbow coloured swans be weird do you think? I've gotten quite the passion for them now.

Oh and I had the delightful news that something created by those wonderful crafty hands is winging it's way to me! I shall have to prepare a comfortable nest for it to rest in - it's a long way to fly after all. So excited.

So now, go check out her wonderful blog, be inspired by her thoroughly original creations, take a gander (gander, get it?) at all the fabulous birdies people have made here, and keep an eye out for her next swap. I'm sure it will be wonderful.

Oh and here's a little Gnome, Toadstool and Fairy love to show y'all what else I have been making.

Rainbow Fairies

A wheel of fairies (as opposed to cheese)

These delightful little flutterers were created for the One Hook Wonder craft swap. We had to make 16 items! 16! Naturally, as I had access to her at the time, I took sore advantage of the lovely Docwitchy in order to complete mine in time for the deadline. I swapped her skills for dinner and red wine, heh, heh, heh. It was good fun and the two little witchlings got to take home/keep some of the loot too, some of which they they made themselves. Awwww.

Lovely to look at, lovely to make, but if you eat one, consider yourself dead.

A gnome away from home

The toadstools were made for the Mushrooms, Hedgehogs and Gnomes swap with Bits of Goodness. Can't wait to see what I get back, there are some seriously talented crafters on that site!

Anyhoo, I'll be off now. It's late and I have more swap items to make. Well, I what can I say except..."Lookin' for a littull company, Sir? I can show you a real good time wiv wool rovin..."

{this moment}

2011-06-04T21:52:00.000+10:00

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

{this moment}

2011-05-28T21:32:00.002+10:00

Happy Birthday my sweet wee Bear.

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma .

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Nourish Me:: Week Nine - Keep Calm...

2011-05-21T00:59:00.001+10:00

One must take ones Yuk's where one finds them.

Ok. So it hasn't strictly been a weekly post. I have been ~~attacked~~ caught up by the usual dramas of family life - 'She's got chicken pox. No, it's not chicken pox, it's just the exact symptoms of chicken pox in the exact order they usually occur in without it actually being chicken pox. Oh. Right. So we needn't have cancelled everything then...', cleaning, cooking, kinder, school tours, baby stuff, tantrums (mine and other people's), blah, blah, blah. It has been so busy and I have been completely exhausted by it all that, instead of posting, I've been sitting in bed watching True Blood again and knitting my little ass off. A friend told me about this little sign (above), based on the English wartime signs, and it made me laugh. That's a good enough reason to include it here methinks.

SJK Handspun Blue Face Leicester Light-Bulky

Apple of My Sky (109g-157yds)

from SeeJayneKnitYarns on Etsy

Ah knitting. How I do love thee. It's been especially pleasurable because for the last two weeks I have had my good friend Docwitch, up here in the these thar hills. Oh what bliss. We have spent many days together touring Ye Olde Goode Op Shoppes (thrift shops), having lunch both in and out of my house, making fires, drinking wine, baking and yes, knit, knit, knitting. I have to say that Doc's knitting is of a different calibre than mine - i.e. it looks like it's supposed to and it fits it's recipients but it was just such a pleasure to sit and talk and knit and watch stupid YouTube clips together. It doesn't happen often unfortunately as we live in two different parts of Melbourne and though they are only 40 minutes to an hour away, it takes an awful lot of logistical planning to get us both in the same place at the same time. So I soaked up the opportunity to spend some quality time, with a wonderful witchypoo friend and her gorgeous daughter. Our little witchlings, though 4 years different in age, played wonderfully together, though I do recall Doc's daughter becoming a somewhat draconian schoolmarm and threatening to give Beanie 'the strap' if she talked out of turn in class! Ah twas fun indeed.
When they returned to their normal life in the 'cidee', I was then joined by the lovely Solyluna who will remain up here until early June. Oh but I shall be completely spoiled by then and shall be bereft when they leave me up here all by my lonesome. Until that fateful day arrives, I shall revel in all the time spent with such delicious company and top up my sorely depleted batteries. I don't think that either woman realises just how precious their friendship is to me nor how much they lift my spirits with just their presence and conversation. I am very blessed.

So knitting. I am, I fear, almost as big a yarn slut as I am a book slut - and that should tell you a lot about me. I have yarn envy, I covertly 'touch' other people's yarn, I fawn over their projects, I stroke the pretty skeins as they flaunt their colours and textures and invite me to buy. I start one project only to get unusually excited about something else and thus starts the slippery slide into the 'multiple projects on the needles' which justifies me buying a bit more of this lovely yarn, and oh, look at that one, it's so purdy.' abyss... I LOVE it though, knitting aside, I seriously think that I am developing some even more old ladyish qualities. I've started to make chicken stock regularly for goodness sake. And baking? Darning? Don't ask. Next thing you know I'll be drinking sherry and smelling of piss 'n' biscuits.

Lovely, lovely Noro

I am just about to complete a beautiful 'Rainbow Dress' for Beanie. It has knit up really well in gorgeous Noro silk wool and it has been my first big project on circular needles and I am hooked. Literally. Knitting in the round is so easy and it's so satisfying. No seams to sew up at the end (and I can't tell you how many projects I have lying around waiting for me to sew them up!) and no boring knit one round, purl the next - you just knit each round and miraculously, stocking stitch appears on the other side. It's magical. I am also knitting up something for my wee Bear and I hope to have that finished next week. It's so exciting. I spend most evenings just watching movies and knitting. I haven't yet mastered reading and knitting but one day...one day.

The glorious and amusing art of 'wool' or 'yarn' bombing whereby something ordinary gets a knitted makeover.

Truly though, knitting and crafting, which it seems like I've been doing constantly in the last four months, is keeping me sane. When things get tough, and they have been, it is a balm to my shredded soul. There is something so meditative about knitting, something so soothing and calming. It brings me into the moment and gives me something to focus on beyond my cares and woes and day-to-day struggles. And the truly great thing about knitting is that its so easy to see progress and that is exceptionally satisfying.

I've also been crafting up a storm for a number of swaps I'm engaged in. I will post more on those later, with piccies, but for now know that, in my blogging absence, I have been beavering away in earnest and enjoying myself (in this at least) more than is strictly proper for a woman in the autumn of my life.

I'd best be off. My knitting is singing to me like a siren. I'm so close to finishing the dress... But. Before I leave, I will once more share my latest sweet nourishy bites with you.

:: watching :: True Blood Series One & Two again. Oh that naughty, naughty Eric but then in series three there is that hunk of werewolf Alcide. Oh my. Be still my beating heart. Did I hear someone say 'doggy style'? Really. You ought to be ashamed. He's a person, not a hunk of extremely desirable man meat. Tsk. Tsk.

I like it Ruff!

:: loving :: I'll give you a clue...it involves yarn.

:: longing for:: some time alone. To sleep, to think, to write, to make stuff, to dream.

:: looking forward to :: comfort food, mulled wine and more knitting in front of the beautiful fire in our little coonara. The Winter Solstice - particularly the lantern parade that happens in our community every year. New crafting projects.

:: heading towards :: some scary soul searching and shadow dusting.

:: enjoying :: the heady array of flaming autumnal colours that surround me. I find myself holding my breath as I pass yet another tree on fire with colour - pinks and red and oranges and yellows abound but there is also scarlet and peach and honey and green and chestnut and russet and crunchy dark browns. Oh how they delight me daily. A work of fiction on audio cd in my car - The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton - it's terribly intriguing and lovely to read some fiction for a change.

::making:: wool roving swans, wool roving summer fairies, felt toadstools and yes, a rainbow dress for Beanie with my beautiful, colourful (almost all gone!) Noro wool. Ravelry pattern here. I'm still making lots of lovely soups - I made one today that was oven roasted vegetables and kale - mm mm mmmmm. I've also been making apple pies from hand picked organic apples from a friends farm. SO yummy. Recipe here. The only thing I did differently from the recipe was I stewed my apples for 10 mins in some dark muscovado sugar to soften them.

:: surprising myself :: by putting myself first for a change. I have made some small changes to our sleeping arrangements here at chez skarbek, changes to give me more sleep and it has had a positive knock on effect with the children. I am learning, slowly, that if mamma isn't happy, ain't nobody happy. It's only taken me 4.5 years to stop being so bloody guilty over every friggin' decision I make and to realise that no matter what my ideals, if it isn't working for our family then it's time to let it go.

:: feeling :: challenged and, if I'm honest, a little bit afraid.

:: hoping for :: positive change, connection and acceptance.

:: grateful for :: good friends, good wine and the early dark.

And with a swirl of her (knitted red riding hood) cape...she was gone.

*excuse the awful spacing - my page seems to be having a 'moment'

{this moment}

2011-05-20T22:34:00.000+10:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

{this moment}

2011-05-07T00:05:00.001+10:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Swaptastic!

2011-05-01T00:25:00.000+10:00

The last of summer's bounty

I have been busy recently as I took part in several craft exchanges:

First off, there was the Four Seasons Exchange organised by Nalina. Nalina focuses on celebrations that are important in the Waldorf/Steiner tradition. Hence the first swap was focused on Easter (Spring). There will be three more - 2. St. John's day (Summer), 3. Michaelmas (Autumn/Fall) and 4. Christmas (Winter).

Easter derives its name from pre-Christian goddess symbols of rebirth, fertility and spring. The renewal of (wo)man's being is celebrated with that of the earth. Ancient symbols of the hare and egg are both known as signs of the return of life after winter's sleep.

St. John's Day - June 24 - Midsummer Day: Ancient peoples, watching the sun reach its high point at this time, lit bonfires to encourage it to shine and ripen their crops. It is a time when the cosmos brings the spiritual to man - a time when the spiritual, which animates and weaves through everything in nature, is revealed.

Michaelmas - September 29: St. Michael is known as the conqueror of the dragon, the heavenly hero with his starry sword (cosmic iron) who gives strength to people.

Christmas - An ancient festival; celebrated when the sun sends the least power to the earth, as a festival which awakens in the human being an inkling of the very wellsprings of existence, of an eternal reality. It is a time when the soul withdraws into the innermost depths to experience within itself the inner spiritual light.

We sent these to our swap partner:

Tweet Tweet

Easter Bunnies meet the Bluebirds of Happiness

The birds were inspired by We bloom here - she rules when it comes to all things peg doll. The rabbits I made up, out me 'ead like. I think they turned out pretty good meself.

And we received these back:

Beautiful Window Star

Autumn apples, cutey pie little gnome, wooden eggs, crocheted autumn leaves.

I love that my partner created autumnal themed things along with the Easter stuff. My nature table looks so pretty now.

I also took part in my first Bits of Goodness Easter Exchange:

This group does regular craft swaps with lots of different interesting themes and they run them about every two weeks or so. A great group if you really enjoy swapping things regularly. (And I do!).

We sent in little Nature Children inspired by Twig & Toadstool:

A fairy ring of little ladies

*Yawn* Just five more minutes Mother Earth. Please?

All right. All right. I'm up!

And we received these gorgeous goodies in return:

A little bendy doll with Easter Egg, a patchwork rabbit, a little needle felted Easter scene (see below), a little 'Bunny Crossing' sign & a wooden matching game.

It's a mother duck and her four baby duckies!

Oh yes - I certainly hope so.

Lily immediately demanded we play the matching game. She is extremely good at this game and absolutely wipes the floor with me whenever we play it together. She plays it with butterflies - matching parts of it to the whole (very hard!) and with her cute little Tinkerbell Fairy game (a birthday present). Let me admit right now that I do not try to 'let' her win. There is absolutely no need - she has the memory of an elephant, that kid.

Then there is Katie's Southern Hemisphere Seasonal Exchange for Autumn, which has been so much fun. Take a look at the flickr site if you want to see the wonderful things people make.

I took part in the Summer exchange last season and it was just fantastic. This is a great swap for those of us living in the southern hemisphere, but people from all over the world join in. Contact Katie here southernseasonalexchange@gmail.com if you want to join in the fun. I'm guessing the next one will be Winter. I can't wait, it's my favourite season next to Autumn.

We sent these:

Hoot 1 & Hoot 2

Teensy ickle pumpkins

I tawt I taw a puddy tat a cweepin' up on me...

The whole enchilada (minus one fat knitted feline)

You can find the pattern for the knitted pumpkins here and the pattern for the cat here. I warn you though, they are very addictive to make!

Our lovely swap partner Emma Jaine (aged 8) is understandably a little behind on getting our swap to us, (they were among those who experienced those frightening tornadoes in the US - thankfully she and her family weren't hurt but their neighbourhood was), but I am told they should be posted next week. So stay tuned for piccies of our goodies received later on.

So now I am working on another swap for the Bits of Goodness group. The theme is Gnomes, Toadstools and Hedgehogs! Plus they have just announced a Summer themed swap too!

And am definitely signing up for We Bloom Here's new swap which will be announced shortly. Check out her website tomorrow for all the details.

I'm also doing another Craft Hope project with the girls - its called 'Orphan Outreach'. Read all about their new project here and please do join up if you can. It makes such a big difference.

And as if that isn't enough crafting - I'm knitting up a storm too. I will leave you with the words 'sheepy pants' because it's a cool name for what I have on the needles right now!

Phew! Stay tuned for some nourishy goodness coming your way soon.

Nighty Night.

{this moment}

2011-04-30T10:29:00.001+10:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
.

{this moment}

2011-04-23T00:33:00.001+10:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Nourish Me:: Week Eight - I Spy

2011-04-15T00:52:00.000+10:00

Warmth, light and beauty

My writing focus this week has been about clear-seeing. I find it amusing that it is nearly the weeks end and that I am only now really reading the material I should have started on Monday. Only now am I giving myself the gift of some time to focus on myself and my journey.

It's been a bit of a battle this week but then I think I'm still in the process of avoiding. It's interesting to note my resistance to something I chose for myself, that I longed for, looked forward to and am now finding reasons not to engage in. Clear seeing - what is that? Seeing in the moment or seeing the moments truthfully? I think I see all the negatives very clearly. I can see where I go wrong on a minute by minute basis. And sometimes it feels as if that's what I'm doing - judging myself by my failures minute after minute after minute. It's no wonder I get to the end of the day and feel exhausted and demoralised.

Photo via http://lipglosnletdown.tumblr.com/page/10

As you know, I decided a few months ago, to spend this year focusing on nourishing myself. I chose the word 'Nourish' as my word for the year - the word by which I would try to live and to which I would try to pay attention. I found the first few weeks easy and could barely wait to have the next post ready to go. Then, after five weeks, the nourishment came less readily, in small bites, yet these were just as delightful in their unexpectedness. My clear seeing seems to be following this same pattern. Little moments of nourishment and little moments of awareness go hand in hand. Yet, now I am in this place of 'what do I write about?' How do I know what I am not seeing? What am I missing? How can I see those moments of nourishment in areas that may not come so easily to me. The ones that I may not even know about because I have never looked towards them? How does one train the eye (inner and outer) on that which one does not ordinarily see? I guess by paying more attention. By incorporating more pauses into my daily life. By giving myself permission to slow down and let go.

I know that in order to move to a much healthier place emotionally, my mind needs to be able to focus more on these moments of goodness, of grace, of success in my every day life - where I meet my expectations or at least get a little closer to them. I need to stop punishing myself for every little mistake and remember to focus on the things that I do and say that are right, intuitive, funny, patient and kind. My fire often gets in the way of clear seeing. It causes the world to narrow, my vision to tunnel and my actions and therefore the outcomes to remain the same - the very definition of madness. I can see all my faults so clearly as if punishing myself for them, somehow makes the mistakes easier to bear. As if by punishing myself, I won't be punished by others. By God.

Photo via http://silenceiswild.tumblr.com/

I have PND (post natal depression). I have talked about it many times. It's hard to see anything clearly through that. It is a filter through which my life and my mothering are scorched. PND does not really mean 'depressed' it is more of an anxiety that fills you up and jangles every stretched nerve. It keeps me in a constant state of 'simmer' so that every little bump in the road pushes me into anger. It is not easy to live with and neither am I. Part of the PND that is difficult to live with is that I get separation anxiety sometimes. When I am not with my children, and especially if I have had a few difficult days with them, as I have this week, I worry that 'God' will take them away from me. I fear their loss. It can be terrifying. It's interesting to me that I see God in this way. I was raised a catholic and I wonder if all that hellfire and brimstone has left this legacy behind? God as a judgmental, violent, jealous being who sees fit to punish those who falter, who lack sufficient faith. When I stop to really think about it, this is not how I see 'God'. It is only in those moments of fear when I strive to avert some anticipated, feared disaster. When I am bargaining.

I am not a religious person. I class myself as spiritual I suppose. And yet, I see myself slipping into the martyr role so easily in times of struggle, begging God to forgive me for my sins. I think this ties into my uncomfortable feelings about faith. When I try to see my relationship with the Divine clearly, I cannot. It's as if I don't really know what it is that's 'out there'. I want to believe there is some divinity guiding us, but I am uncomfortable with the uncertainty. Again, I don't have that unshakeable faith that there is something, bigger and wiser than me, guiding and illuminating my path. It feels like falling to surrender to this not knowing. I am someone who needs certainty - control. Yet, in those moments I do surrender or am at peace with the not knowing, there is a sort of acceptance, a sense of peace that comes with it.

Photo from thenocturnalnest

I remember the surrender that birthed my boy into being just 10 short months ago. The day that he was born, I was 6 days overdue and had been feeling highly irritated and uncomfortable for months. That day I simply felt at peace with everything exactly as it was. I felt no stress despite my birthing assistant leaving the very next day for a three day retreat and my back-up assistant having bronchitis and not being available. It was all as it should be and I was totally comfortable with whatever happened. I didn't want to find a way to push the labour to happen. I didn't want to talk to the baby and convince it to come. I simply wanted to sit with everything, just as it was, and let it be. It was extraordinary, to say the least, for me (the giant stress-head) to be in this space and I savoured it. I truly did. I let the surrender wash over me and I was truly at peace. Just hours later I went into labour and birthed my boy into the world in a mere 8 hours, totally naturally. I remember just breathing my way through it all, trusting the process, my body, myself. Letting myself go into the waves of contractions until I could feel this power vibrating through my body. The birthing energy was so intense and so fierce and so concentrated. Yet still within it, I was surrendered to the process, breathing into it - journeying with it. I was a proud birthing mamma - joined by some invisible thread to all the other birthing mammas that were with me on this journey, that had ever been and that ever would be. I felt strong and indomitable and fearless. It was joyous and beautiful even in those moments of challenge that are a part of every birth. I relished every moment and still do. I have never been prouder of myself.

Photo via http://turnofthecentury.tumblr.com/

Now I find myself wondering if I could surrender to the rigours of an ordinary life in this way? To simply trust the journey to unfold without me trying to control, steer, interfere. Without standing in my own way and, most importantly, without beating myself up. Wouldn't my entire life be as joyous and as beautiful? Wouldn't I be present to the beauty of the world and even myself, if I simply allowed life to take me instead of me trying to take life and mould it into the shape I think it should be? Is it that easy to really let go? To surrender to the flow without knowing where it will take me? It was easy that day but can I surrender daily to the discomfort of not knowing and let it shape me, change me, bend me to it's will? Can I begin again without all that I think I am and all that I want to be getting in the way? And, more importantly, if I begin to do this - can I find my way back to this intention when the days are tough, the tempers are frayed and I have merely dark indentations where (my oft pushed) buttons once lived?

These are certainly things to ponder. I shall keep my eyes (and heart) open and really try to 'see' what unfolds.

And now, because I like doing this so much, I will share some more of my small nourishy bites with you:

:: watching :: myself and the world around me. Very closely.

There are fairies at the bottom of my garden

:: loving :: exploring my psyche and finding some answers. Kinda. Capturing sweet moments.

: longing :: for a break. Some time in a different environment to recharge. Some time to sleep whenever I feel like it.

found on http://perfectionturnsmeon.blogspot.com/

:: looking forward to :: finding some rhythm in my days with Beanie and Bear, to ease the tension and give us some focus for our days. My friends being within hugging distance for a while. Chai and good conversation and maybe a little knitting.

:: heading towards :: the next leg of my journey, one uncertain step at a time.

:: enjoying :: nature walks, the cold misty mornings, rain on a cold tin roof, the sense of slowing down and breathing easier now autumn is so present.

::making:: a rainbow dress for Beanie with beautiful, colourful Noro wool. Ravelry pattern here. Lots of lovely soups and hearty warm wintery food including my very first ever batch of chicken stock! I feel like such a homesteader!

:: surprising myself with :: how easy it is to make fresh stock. I may never buy it again!

:: feeling :: a bit stormy but with patches of sunshine.

:: hoping for :: a change of programming in me 'ead, a chance to escape the rut I'm in with Beanie, a change of scene, some snow (fat chance!), someone to talk to.

found on http://weareinevitable.tumblr.com/

:: grateful for :: the beautiful photographs taken by my bestie Lausy of Warmth and Light photography. They all turned out so beautifully and she captured the essence of our family so well, it's going to be mighty hard to pick out the ones we want on the wall. And as if that wasn't enough, she gave me a back massage too. Oh that woman was sent by angels just for me.

Here's hoping that you are getting the nourishment you need. If you post about it, let me know.

A Question of Faith

2011-04-11T21:03:00.000+10:00

So, today I went to my first PND/Positive Parenting meeting and discovered that I am not the only one who is often ashamed, mortified, saddened and generally depressed about aspects of my mothering.

I discovered that I am not the only one who regrets her words the instant they leave her untamed mouth. Nor the only one who struggles under the weight of all this guilt. I discovered that I am not alone on this fiery path towards motherhood. And it was good.

Still, I found that even as I recognised myself in the other women present. Even as I felt that shiver of relief in our shared experiences, I felt set apart. Maybe we all did. Maybe, deep down, everyone was still thinking, 'Yes, I agree. But still, if you saw me when I (fill in the blank) you would see how bad/how hateful/how childish/how vengeful/how resentful/how evil... I really am and you would judge me.' Maybe everyone still thought that they were the 'worst' mother in the room. But not me. I'll admit that this is definitely what I normally think. But not today. Instead I felt blessed to be me. I felt blessed that my life was not as contaminated with sadness and anxiety as some of these other women's were. I saw their pain on their faces. I heard that tremble in their voices as the struggled to speak through all that self-anger and hopelessness they often felt. I felt myself reaching out to soothe, to offer words of support, words of comfort - even though I myself struggle with the self same issues that they do. I wanted them to feel better. I wanted them to know that just being there, in that group, offering the gift of their honesty despite the shame, put them streets ahead of other mothers. Being there was one big neon sign of love for our children. We want to change. We own our problems and we want to deal. We need to. I felt humbled and I wish these women could see what a gift their journey was to me.

I was beautifully reminded that despite my shortcomings, I have support. I don't have a husband who dismisses me, who comes home after work and offers nothing but criticism for those shortcomings. Or who spends all of his time belittling my struggles and pointing out everything that I am doing wrong. I was blessed by that reminder but I wished I could have hugged the mother whose story this is.

My empathy for other people's suffering runs fairly deep. (The one and only time I ever did coke, I spent the entire time weeping and crapping on about Tibet and the plight of the Dalai Lama!). This is not always a good thing. I can so easily put myself in someone else's shoes that it can be a bit of a burden. I get depressed/upset/angry for them. I want to fix everything - make everything better for them, which is really not my place. Still, the good effects outweigh the bad I think. Often it makes me realise, as it did today, that my struggles are not so bad. That my struggles don't have the bitter sharp edge that some of theirs do. It reminded me that if I can show compassion for their sufferings, their struggles, then it should be just as easy to show the same compassion for my own. After all, they are the same struggles for the most part! That was also comforting. It was like being given a 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card for my bad days.

That's not to say that I won't still spend my time analysing, reflecting, and yes, often beating myself up, about those bad days. It's more that I can now draw on that experience and try to remember to treat myself as I would treat any one of them, without hesitation. Which is kindly, respectfully, gently and with understanding. One of the women said her sister, who had also struggled with motherhood, had a badge made up that said 'Hello. I Am Trying My Best!' I think we would all wear one because we all want people to understand that we really are trying our hardest to deal. We are embarrassed and often ashamed of ourselves or our children's behaviours. We feel the eyes of judgment shifting in our direction and we feel more stressed as we try so hard to get it under control. What wouldn't we give for a knowing smile that says, "I've been there honey. I know how you feel," or "don't worry, this too shall pass!." It is so very rarely there though and this is a great shame. Motherhood seems to come with a lot of unnecessary judgment. Each one of us makes choices to raise our children to the best of our ability and with the best of intentions. It doesn't always run smooth. It doesn't always run at all! But the truth is everyone is doing their best. There are not many truly awful, careless, cruel mother's out there and so this is not so much of a sweeping statement as it is an acknowledgement that everyone, even those mother's who do things that make us take in a sharp breath every now and then, are doing their best. Or are trying to and maybe what they need most right now is a hug, or a kind smile or a compassionate comment rather than hostility and judgement. I know there are days when I feel like screaming. Days where Beanie seems to just have her compass set to 'naughty little minx' and turned all the way up to 11. I can hear my frazzled voice, my irritation, a feeling of wanting to just run away and leave her in the store whining about yet another Easter Egg and trying to sneakily pick away at the chocolate without me knowing. And all it takes is another mother to smile and say, 'they are cheeky at this age, aren't they?' and it allows me a pause in the moment to know that I am not alone. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes.

In all this struggle and particularly at the end of (very long) days like this, it's really all about finding my faith in myself as a mother. Trusting that the decisions I make (and agonise over) will be the right ones for my children. That if I can't go with my first choice, I can go with my gut. That I won't be making life-long, soul scarring mistakes if I choose wrongly occasionally. And that is hard for me. It's hard for me to make mistakes. It's hard for me to know that I am not perfect when I am a perfectionist. I actually think that many of the women in my group suffer from the same malaise and maybe that's another reason we are all there. We set the bar so high that we can never hope to attain it and then punish ourselves over each and every fail. It's hardly a recipe for good mental health, is it? So, how do I go about finding my faith in myself? How do I manage to stand in the midst of all the chaos (inner and outer), and still find the self-belief to know it will all be alright? To trust that there is a divine inner guidance operating and to allow that to lead the way? I honestly don't know. I do know that finding some inner, if not outer, quiet would be a start but then that's a subject for a whole other post.

I would love to hear how faith operates for you in your lives, as mother's and as people. Where do you go to find your own nourishment, the sustenance you need to continue to be a good mother, partner, wife, employee etc? What do you put your trust in? Or who?

{This Moment}

2011-04-09T00:17:00.000+10:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Nourish Me:: Week Seven - Moment by Moment

2011-04-04T00:02:00.002+10:00

Natural Beauty

Ah, here I am again. There hasn't been any one big thing nourishing this parched soul this week. It has again come in small yummy bites and I think it has been all the more delicious and absorbable (is that a word?) for that.

I noticed that I kept thinking to myself that I should have something more, I dunno, weighty maybe, to write about and I kept searching for the big thunderclap of nourishment to appear. Yet there wasn't one. Maybe there won't always be. It's funny, putting myself under pressure to produce something interesting to read and trying to find something important to write about, is so not what this whole series of posts is about. I think this is what these bite sized pieces of goodness have been teaching me. That it's ok to find our pleasures in small things. A five minute knitting break, a ten minute sit down with a good cuppa, a few seconds of deep breathing and steadying. It all adds up to so much more.

And so, I will once more share my sweet nourishy bites with you.

:: watching :: The trees starting to change colour as Autumn takes delicate hold around me; hilarious new US TV series 'The Modern Family' - pure genius; fantastic new US TV series 'Boardwalk Empire' about prohibition - very engaging; and of course True Blood - Series Three - again - so good!

:: loving :: my daughters new school (and it's not even Waldorf!) - can't believe my little Beanie will be at school next February - how fast the time goes!; the decadent delights of Connoisseur caramel, honey and macadamia nut ice cream..uh oh.

Autumn Nature Table

:: longing :: for a massage. Oh dear God let it be soon; enough hours in the day to read all the wonderful books piling up on my struggling bedside shelves - God bless our local library for it soeth rocketh; some quality sleep - you know, for more than an hour at a time;

:: looking forward to :: I'll say it again - Winter days at the beach; mulled wine; hot chocolate; open fires. Especially since I finally got my new order of organic hot chocolate mix. Best hot chocolate EVER! Oh and so excited about our forthcoming family photo shoot with the talented and lovely Lausie of Warmth and Light Photography. Any time with Laura is wonderful and I get the added bonus of some wall worthy photographs of our whole family at one time!

:: heading towards :: Easter and some quality time with my man; the installing of our brand new, thrifted, $20 toilet; a little painting; my new online writing course (starts tomorrow!). It's called 'Writing Our Way Home' and you can find out all about it here.

:: enjoying :: just looking at all the books on my shelves and dreaming about the wisdom they hold and some time to read them; the last of the summer strawberries and raspberries before the season finishes; evening walks with my hubble and the kidlets - one in a backpack and the other on a thrifted $2 scooter. I don't know what I love more, the scooter or the fact that is was only $2!; the few moments in bed I get before the small and smaller squirmy people invade; finally sending off some of my craft swaps (very satisfying);

Easter Bunnies & The Bluebirds of Happiness

::making:: cute little peg people for my two Easter swaps. The little guys above are going to a new home through the Four Seasons craft exchange. The bluebirds were inspired by the lovely lady at We Bloom Here. Check out her gorgeous crafty blog. Whereas these little guys

Little Flower Children still sleeping in their leafy winter beds.

are going to someone lovely from the Bits of Goodness Easter Swap. This group does regular swaps on different themes, the last one was gardens. If you're feeling crafty, I recommend this group because they swap often and they are so creative. These babies were inspired by the wonderful Twig and Toadstool. Another absolute gem of creativity.

Ready for her close up.
:: surprising myself with :: how much I don't seem to care about what I eat. Bad Kitty, smack paws!; how much I enjoy handwork and all things crafty - still not bored with it even though I'm still not that good at it!

:: feeling :: up and down. Had some seriously 'bad mommy' moments this past week, followed by some much better, much happier days. But that guilt is a killer.

:: hoping :: for my mums parcels to arrive from the UK; my new books to arrive; some time to rearrange the laundry and all of our craft stuff; that my course will help me to connect with myself more deeply.
Hoot and Little Red - for Beanie

:: grateful for :: moments of peace in my daily life; moments of grace in my emotional life; you guys.
Bugs & Dirty Little Fingers = Happiness

What you all been up to? Are you bounding into Spring or slowing into Autumn? What's been nourishing you this week?
The Good Witch of the Green Woods

Namaste

{This Moment}

2011-04-01T18:15:00.000+11:00

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

{this moment}

2011-03-25T20:18:00.000+11:00

Happy Purim!

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Nourish Me:: - Week Six - Bite Me

2011-03-21T01:00:00.000+11:00

No, he hasn't killed and eaten someone with his impressive new teeth - it's the organic beetroot!

Right now, my nourishment is coming in sweet little bite size pieces:

:: watching :: a beautiful pregnant woman, in a stunning vintage dress, get married to a sweet guy; the biggest full moon rise over the dark hills; the glowing fire putting my overtired wee Bear to sleep; Beanie screaming with joy on a big ride.

Fearless

:: loving :: the little moments of crafty fun I am managing to squeeze into my days (and nights); my quirky, loud, boisterous, funny little Bear and Bean playing chasey; the smell of wood smoke and the increasing chill in the air; the best ever recipe for chocolate zuccini bread...OMG it is SO good; our autumn nature table.

:: longing :: for a little quiet time to read; a little quiet time to knit; a little quiet time to plan; oh and a little quiet time.

:: looking forward to :: getting rugged up and going for a walk. Since camping I seem to be more at home in the fresh air than I am indoors!; a trip to the theatre to see a friend in a play - I haven't been to the theatre in over four years (motherhood tends to get in the way of my artistic pursuits!); a good 10 days of 'man about the house' when hubble takes a looooong break over Easter; receiving my craft swap items from persons unknown; Winter days at the beach; mulled wine; hot chocolate; open fires.

:: heading towards :: new creative horizons with my writing and my business. Watch this space.

:: enjoying :: my bed; a little champagne; a change of scenery - oh I do love a rolling hill or six; time with friends with kids; feeling inspired; life through the eyes of my girl; coffee; my op-shop obsession; culling, culling, culling - books, clothes, toys, baby clothes, baby equipment - it feels so refreshing!

"Look mamma - it's a fairy house for sure!"

:: talking about :: being present; the future; a third baby - will we/won't we?; weddings we have known and loved; simplifying.

:: surprising myself with :: how much attention I am paying to my own nourishment because I know that I have to write about it; moments of real patience in difficult situations.

Daddy's fruit face - yup, making them is a little addictive.

:: feeling :: blessed, hopeful, inspired and just a little bit cheeky.

:: hoping :: you guys will share a little of your self nourishing with me, even if it's only now and then.

:: grateful for :: every moment.

How about you lot?

{this moment}

2011-03-20T23:30:00.000+11:00

{this moment} inspired by Soulemamma - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Nothing Compares To You

2011-03-05T13:58:00.001+11:00

Wonderful (but just the tiniest bit tiring?)

Reading through other people's blogs gives me inspiration. I love the colour, the thoughtfulness, the raw edges exposed. One of the reasons I trained to be an actor was because I wanted to live all those other lives. Lives that were not open to me, that I would not choose or that I would. Lives that I admired and despised. And so it is with blogging. I visit, I enjoy, I swoon, I covet, I crave, I am inspired. And yet. Sometimes the very blogs that give me the most pleasure are the ones that can make me feel the guiltiest. Strange really. How something that can give you joy can make you feel bad about yourself.

Paint my skin with the poetry of truth.

I realise that for me it is in comparison that the folly lies. I compare my life to the (seemingly ideal) lives of women who, to me at least, are doing it 'right'. The women who grow their own veggies, make their own clothes, knit with love, clean their houses naturally, recycle, reuse, repurpose. All things I do or aspire to do, with varying degrees of success. Our veggie garden being one of my failures this year. Most of what we planted didn't grow and I didn't have the energy to give it sufficient attention. See, I WANT to be someone who loves gardening but I'm not. It's just one more thing to do. One more responsibility in a life that already feels over full. I WANT to be a grounded, down to earth mamma with nothing more pressing in my life than raising beautiful, happy children. Sometimes I can feel myself getting closer to that ideal but then my Rooster self pops up with a 'What about me?' and I slip into resentment and yes, guilt. It seems I can never convince myself that I am enough. I know myself only in the failures of my mothering journey. Never in the successes. It is a slippery slope of wanting to be more than I am and never quite getting there.

Comparing myself to these wonderful women is not inspiring. It is depressing quite frankly. I love the lives they lead. The quiet purposefulness of their approach to living and loving. I love their brilliant creativity, their beautiful prose, their still souls. Yet. I am unlike them. My soul burns with this restless fire. I long to create but when I do get the time, I waste it with seemingly important tasks which do not feed this creative fire. I am permanently dissatisfied. I have so much gratitude for the life I live and the people in it, yet it never seems 'enough'. I am part of the universal malaise that is a constant craving for 'more'. More what exactly? In lives that seem simpler, more profound with less - what is there to want, to need, to buy? And yet, there it is. In all it's shameful glory. This ache within me that wants more. More recognition, more time to myself, more time to create, more skill, more patience (oh yes please God - more of that), more wisdom, more stillness, more life, more passion, more money, more freedom, more space, more, more, more. I am never satisfied with what I have. Worse - with who I am.

I am an open book, in want of a reader.

I try. I do. I have come to this place time and again. I know myself to be a Rooster. A bossy, loud, disorganised, funny, colourful, lazy, impatient, sarcastic, know-it-all Rooster. But I want to be a swan. A glidy, quiet, silken, peaceful, compassionate, patient swan. Why? I crave peace. I crave silence. But when you go into the silence - hoo lordy - the noise that emerges could deafen you from 20 years away. And I ping pong back to reality and lose myself there with a million excuses so that I don't have to truly sit with any of it. And so, instead of 'doing' well, anything actually, I lurk around other people's blogs like some creepy cyber-stalker with one hand down my pants, and dream of being someone who home-schools their progeny, cans their own produce, eats well and takes fantastic photographs. Someone who exercises and loves it. Someone who loves their kids and never gets frustrated with them or swears bilingually at them. Someone who is splendid in her mothering and spectacular in herself.

Coming up for air.

But that's not me.

This is me:

Overweight but too feckin' tired to do anything about it.
Eats badly and craves too much salt, sugar and chocolate. And I'll admit it. I LOVE McDonalds. I do. I hate the business but love the food. Please don't hate me.
Is frequently impatient and grumpy with her beloved children and hubble.
Whinges frequently. (Well, I am British).
Is never satisfied because the grass is always greener...
Spends too much money (even though it's on charity shop buys and books).
Says 'fuck' a lot. A real lot. With 'bollocks' inexplicably making a reappearance recently. (I do like that word though. It's satisfying in the mouth - if you'll excuse the horrible double entendre).
Is driven crazy by her willful, beautiful, funny but seriously stubborn and feisty daughter. She make me want to tear my hear out, cry and laugh all at the same time. Every. Day.
Has a terrible, unseemly obsession with books. Library books, second hand books and new books. It's an addiction. Relentless Book Sluttery. I buy them and then they sit on my shelves unread. I currently have over 65 library checkouts (though some of them are for my girl). I think I have OCD.
Am chronically sleep deprived yet often sit up until 1 or 2am being aforementioned online stalker of superior blogs.
Hates cooking and is frequently found slumped in front of pantry bulging with 'stuff' unable to come up with any kind of creative combination that is edible. That hasn't stopped me buying beautiful 'wholefood' cooking books obviously.
Loves the cloth nappy idea (and my gorgeous colourful itti's) but detests scraping retch inducing poop off nappies, before putting them in the washer, (over and over again), until the stains come off. The smell of ammonia is unbelievable and it is not water friendly in our drought ridden state.
Loves plants. Loves the idea of homesteading. Hates gardening.
Loves to write but just doesn't.
Has grand dreams and ambitions (and is often jealous of other people's successes even though she is glad for them) but does buggar all about them.
Is a good friend most of the time but doesn't seem to have that gene that disposes one to be really thoughtful. I wish I did. I think of things after the fact and then am sad that I didn't do more.
Is often creatively inspired and excited about some new idea or project, but then gets bored or discouraged if its too hard or if I can't 'get it' immediately.
Is lazy.
Irreverent.
Judgmental.
Loves her bed more than her husband and children. Almost.
Let's her girl watch too many movies in an effort to have a moment to herself. (Or to sneak a nap with the wee bear).
Is guilty of setting the bar way too high for herself in just about every area of life.
Doesn't know how to adjust bar.
Hates reading manuals. To anything. But has more parenting books that Barnes & Noble, Angus & Robertson and Waterstones combined.

The Naked Truth

However, this is also me:

Funny.
Excitable.
Fun (at least, I used to be).
Loves Nature and yes, that now includes camping. Who knew?
Loves books.
Loves poetry, literature and writing - even if she doesn't have time for any of them.
Loves her man and her babies. A lot. A very lot. An inescapably, frighteningly, overwhelmingly lot.
Hates letting people down.
Gives generously when the mood strikes.
Loves op shops (thrifting) and would throw them down by the fire and make sweet love to them if they were people.
Is eclectic and let's face it, a wee bit eccentric.
Is passionate about many things but mostly about being a good mamma.
Is very creative. Even if what I make is shit by my own standards.
Talks a lot but is learning to listen well.
Occasionally takes great photos.
Loves craft of any type.
Is deeply spiritual but lazy.
Always has the best of intentions but frequently falls short in their execution.
Is soft hearted, kind natured and compassionate.
Cries easily and often.
Is dramatic.
Is very adaptable and quick to pick up new things.
Isn't afraid to try new things.
Is charismatic, charming and engaging.
Is inspiring.
Is brave. Often. Because life often scares me.
Tries really, really, REALLY hard.

So - there you have it. The truth in all its gory or glory depending on your perspective. I know that there is a way to find the balance and to not be so hard on myself all the damn time. I am not saying I know what that answer is but at least I'm searching for it. I'm trying. Even if some schools of thought think that trying is wrong.

The Doors of Perception

I am calmed by the sea. The flow of the water reminds me to breathe in and breathe out. And that really, that's all there is. Breathing, watching, walking, eating, loving, sharing, talking, listening, reading, hoping, wondering - it's all just one long extension of the whole breathing thing. And so I lurk and I read and I compare and I feel sad and then I remind myself that this is not all that I am. I am also the second list and that I have parenting wins sometimes. I remind myself that no-one could ever say I didn't try. I know that my roosterness will come in handy one day, I just don't know how yet. And I promise myself to spend less time looking through rose tinted glasses at other people's lives and spend more time living mine. Imperfect as it is.

So there.

Now that's more like it.

All photos courtesy of Bohemian Shoebox
Please go there to see where the originals came from. Thanks.

{This Moment}

2011-03-04T00:14:00.000+11:00

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

(Ssh! She doesn't really have binoculars!)

February in Review

2011-03-03T00:30:00.000+11:00

February in Review

This is my first month in review but I was inspired by Mon over at Holistic Mamma to start doing this little exercise. I think it fits perfectly in with the whole 'nourishment' thing I'm doing. It will give me a chance to see how things are changing and where I'm at with it all. So here goes...

February began with our last two days of camping. After 21 years of skillfully avoiding sleeping in the Great Outdoors - I was lured into it by a new tent and a lovely camp site. Now I'm bloody hooked!

A thought...
I spend way too much money.
A sound...
The sound of me biting my tongue.
A taste...
Fresh organic rasberries (it's Summer here!)

An image...

Doesn't it look like he's serenading her?

A scent...

Fresh Sea Air baby! (And coffee...mmmm coffee).
A word... (anything word related)Ow! (sunburn and bull ants!)
A touch...
My little bear sleeping in my arms.
A gift for me...
Discovering what nourishes me.
A post you may have missed...
Nourish Me

Nourish Me:: Week Five - A World in Colour

2011-03-02T20:46:00.001+11:00

Bing, Bong, Bing

I like black. I wear it a lot. Too much, probably but it suits me, it's slimming and, (after many years of being a Goth in my late teens/early twenties), it's a difficult habit to break. Plus, it goes with everything and that's important when one has limited wardrobe choices due to excess baggage of a wrinkly, skin coloured kind.

However, I love colour. I seem to need it more and more. I have begun to surround myself with it in quite a lot of ways, without really being aware that it was happening. Red is my colour du jour right now. It just love how vibrant and exciting it is. Without wishing to be cliched, it is a passionate colour - hence it's association with all things love and sex related. But it is also bright and warm and welcoming. It's popular as feature walls in dining rooms - it stimulates appetites and conversation. So over the last few years I have been slowly accumulating things red.

The Red Tent from The Divine Feminine

This reaching out for colour started with a beautiful red chinese teapot and 6 little handleless cups decorated with cherry blossom. Then slowly it radiated outwards and collected red and white striped mugs, damask mugs, gorgeous little red cups and saucers with white polka dots, (my 'happy' cups). Then suddenly a red clock appeared on our white timber walls, then a red kettle for the hob, (we have an unseemly number of blackouts up here in the hills), so that the Brit doesn't die without tea when there is no power. Then a new dinner service arrived - not strictly red but white with a big red poppy on it and finally, last year, a red Ektorp sofa arrived for our family room. Then yesterday, on impulse we bought a massive rug for our family room to stop Finn from head-butting the slate floors more than is strictly necessary. Guess what colour it is?

Red.

That's right.

It's a lovely red persian style thing which beanie insists that everyone enjoy by removing their socks and really 'feeling' the carpet. "It's so soft mummy. Now I can play down on the floor!" Yes, we have evidently being abusing our daughters knees by not having a covering on the hard slate.

But that's not the only colour that is creeping into our house. Oh no. There is the heather coloured feature wall in our room. The heather and clover coloured walls of Beanie's room. There are the new cups that have appeared over the last year or two. A beautiful sunshine yellow and gold china cup and saucer for herbal tea, the little turquoise coffee set (6 mini mugs and saucers), I got for $3. In total. (I know!). And then there is the latest addition. My Chinese teapot and big cups had babies - three of them - three little handleless cups, decorated with cherry blossom in the colours of red (you guessed it), orange (aha! shock new colour!), green (wait! where is she going with this - it's multicolour madness!), and blue (it matches the turquoise. Kinda.). For these I paid the princely sum of $4. What can I say - I'm made of luck.

Mamma's special teacup.

Suddenly I am surrounded by colour. I am drinking out of it, looking at it, wearing it, putting it on my nails, surrounding light-bulbs with it, hanging it on walls and on beds and surreptitiously squinking it into little nooks and crannies. There is a veritable flood of it and it's quite wonderful. I am being drawn to images that are colourful and bright and inspirational. That make me want to make stuff and create. There is not much inspirational about looking at too much black. Even the darkness has stars to decorate it.

And so this week I have found myself focusing on colour intentionally. How I use it, how it uses me, what colours I am drawn to (I think we've established I like red) and what they might symbolise, how different colours make me feel, what I instinctively am drawn to and why I think that is. It's been an exploration of the vividness and diversity of colour in my life and it's been delightful. I never fully realised how our choice of colours reflects not just our personality but also our mood. It is entirely possible to change how you feel by simply adding a colour that makes you feel up, or calm, or relaxed, or sexy, to yourself or your environment. I find that blue makes me feel calmer and more mindful, red gears me up and makes me want to connect, yellow makes me smile - it's such a sunny colour and its so damn bright. Green makes me feel earthed and held while black makes me feel mysterious, powerful and yes, hidden. Sometimes I need that. And then there are stripes (of which I am a HUGE fan), polka dots (second only to stripes) and patterned things. I even do subtle colours now though I will never really be a pastel girl - too flacid and pasty for me.

Oh my! Red AND Stripes.

The whole exercise has been so liberating. I have been influenced by my girl's colour sense, her crazy combinations, her multi-coloured wardrobe. I have stopped wanting to hide in black and have started to really surf the colour wave that has engulfed me. Colour makes me happy. It reminds me that life is not monotone - it is a rainbow peacock strutting it's wonderful stuff. It is a field of poppy's and the emerald green of the grass after rain. It is the toothpaste commercial colours of the sea - minty green and turquoise with foamy white. It is everywhere and it is available all of the time. So why limit ourselves with our habitual colour palette. Go buy something out of your colour comfort zone. Buy two things that blatantly don't match. Try something different and see how you feel.

And so, I drink my coffee out of my happy cups. I eat my cereal out of my poppy bowls, I put my compost in a little red tin bin and I bring flowers into my house whenever I can. It gives me a little lift and it makes me smile. What's not to love? Most of all though, it feeds me in some subtle way. It gives me energy to get through the day. It gives me just a little bit of courage to try something else new. It reminds me to enjoy life in all of it's hues - even the darker ones.

The Aurora Borealis

Coolest Style EVER! (can't remember where I found this, sorry!)

So, what have you been doing this week to nourish yourself?

As always remember to leave a comment with a link to your nourishment post and to link it back to me. I hope you will join in - it's a much needed gift to ourselves.

{This Moment}

2011-02-25T21:14:00.000+11:00

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

I Think My Cat Is Trying To Kill Me

2011-02-23T09:40:00.000+11:00

Belladonna - The Evil Mastermind of My Imminent Demise

It's all true.

Late last night I took a trip downstairs. Literally.

In the dim light from the bathroom door, teapot and empty ice cream container in hand, (ahem), I opened up the stair gate (safety first don't you know), stepped upon a strangely hairy, squashy and suddenly rapidly moving step and... fell down the rest of them onto the slate floor.

Miraculously neither I nor the teapot were broken

What I said is unrepeatable. You would go to hell just for listening to it.

The cat escaped unharmed.

For now.

So, if you don't hear from me for a while. Call 000, claim foul play and blame the cat.

It was most definitely not suicide.

*Photo by Bayat on Flickr

Life Up Close

2011-02-22T15:11:00.000+11:00

Mamma's New Coffee Set. Yeah Baby!

Nourish Me:: Week Four - Random Acts of Kindness

2011-02-22T00:06:00.000+11:00

This week I have been pulling from the deep well of nourishment that is giving to others. As much as I need to nourish and take care of myself, I have found, quite unexpectedly, that giving to those in need brings a smile to my heart.

Quirky and whimsical wee bunnies.

As I mentioned in my previous post on Craft Hope, my girlfriends and I have been busily making up our birthing kits for the midwives in Haiti. We had a few hiccups to overcome, not the least of which was two of us have babies to lug around with us (and older kids in school/kinder) and the other one being a very busy working lass with a new business to cherish and grow! Still, apart from the joy of crafting (and it is a joy), it was a wonderful excuse to spend some time with two lovely women and catch up, have a giggle and still manage to do something for those in need.

Beautiful totes created by our gal Tracey

Some of the other little question marks with our kits were:

Are we allowed to send ORANGE drop sheets (yup, couldn't get the clear ones anywhere local!) and would they mind if they were a bit bigger than the suggested size? We figured that it might be helpful if they were. We certainly hope so.

Will they let us post the hand sanitizer as it apparently has ethanol in it. This might cause a kerfuffle with customs apparently. We sent it anyway as it is so important. Let's hope the Gods decide to let our box through without inspection!

Will they mind the big bars of soap as we couldn't find the little ones?

Would my cashmere bunnies be too fluffy for the newbies? They are so cute and soft and lemony but they are a bit fluffy. I'm hoping they will be alright for the little ones to cuddle and love. Laura did such a good job embroidering the faces - so cute!

Receiving blankets - all finished and so soft!

I have to say though, that the nicest part of this whole experience was how it left me feeling. I felt good about doing something that didn't benefit me in any way but that was so important to someone else. These kits will save lives - newborn's and their mother's - that's an awesome feeling to take away from this. I CAN make a difference and hopefully, despite the quirks with our kits, we WILL!

The kit all bagged and tagged and ready to go! Cute bear made by Tracey.

The girls got a bit of a shock when they came to post our offerings. It cost a whopping $160 to post our boxes to America to be sent on to Haiti. Yikes! That was really the only downside of this particular project. Australia is so far away from America that postage really stings. But then, this just happened to be a particularly hefty project. Lots of their other stuff isn't, so don't let our experience of postage put you off. We shared the cost between the three of us and, like I said, it feels good to be helping. Anyway, isn't life priceless? It is to me.

The all important contents of the kits.

Unbelievably, just these few items save lives: Rubber gloves, hand sanitizer, a drop sheet, 3 pieces of string (for tying off the umbilical chord), alcohol wipes, a bar of soap(!) and the little extras that make it truly special - a soft toy and a beautiful snuggly receiving blanket.

So - I've been walking about with a big smile on my face because of a few hours spent gossiping, giggling and eating delicious food (thanks Laura!) for a good cause. If any of you are the least bit crafty, get on over to Craft Hope and take part. I promise you it will be the best thing you do this year.

And on that simple note, I leave you with two more things to make your heart smile.

Check this out because it made me go, 'awww'.

AND

Check this out for ways to put a smile on someone's face.

Don't forget to let me know what you guys are up to with the whole nourishment thang by leaving a comment and providing a link to your post. And don't forget to link back.

Hope you have a fantabulous week.

*All photographs taken by Laura of Warmth and Light. Good Job lady!

{this moment}

2011-02-18T21:29:00.001+11:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Craft Hope - Birthing Kits for Konbit Sante

2011-02-16T10:57:00.000+11:00

Just a quick post to highlight something that I think is really important. I've taken some of the information from their website, so that you understand the importance of these kits and maybe be inspired to get involved. If not in this project, then in the next one. As someone who has only recently had a baby, it is especially close to my heart. It feels good to be doing something for other people and to know that something so simple can help drop the infant and mother mortality rate in such a challenging environment, makes my little heart smile. Please get involved and do what you can.

Craft Hope is an organisation that crafts for charity. This is not as light and fluffy as it sounds.

This year they are going back to Haiti. Project 11 (running until end of Feb) will benefit Konbit Sante, a wonderful organization that has, for nearly ten years, worked to provide the education and resources necessary to improve capacity within the public health system of Cap-Haitien, Haiti’s second largest city. Even before the earthquake, Haiti’s health statistics were dismal, and now the need is even greater. Shockingly, one in eight Haitian children dies before the age of five, and their maternal mortality rate is 1,400 deaths for every 100,000 –a reflection of the fact that the majority of the population lives in poverty/on less than a dollar a day. Only one in every 10,000 Haitians has access to a physician.

For the past three years, Konbit Sante has been spearheading a family planning and maternal health project in the most needy neighborhoods of Cap-Haitien that includes working more closely to support trained birth attendants (TBAs) who attend the vast majority of births in the community. They began supplying them with safe birthing kits to use in their deliveries. TBAs attend the vast majority of births in Haiti and have no formal medical training to speak of. The kits represent a “value added” component to their services, offer a measure of status, and are well received. There is ample evidence internationally that the kits can reduce infant and maternal mortality.

Delivery kits are one important step to improving clean delivery practices within integrated maternal and neonatal health programs. Delivery kits have several key objectives. When introduced as part of clean delivery programs, they contribute to the:

• promotion of clean delivery practices;
• reduction of maternal sepsis;
• reduction of neonatal tetanus, sepsis, and cord infection;
• reinforcement of maternal and newborn health programs; and
• provision of a convenient source of clean supplies.

In the home, supplies needed to conduct a clean delivery often are not available. Even where reusable delivery kits are used by trained TBAs, the instruments are seldom cleaned between deliveries, and necessary supplies such as clean cord ties may not be restocked. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “The use of simple, disposable delivery kits will help achieve as clean a delivery as possible.”

Go HERE to sign up for this (or other projects) and to get a list of what to include in the kits. Or you can click on the CRAFT HOPE button on my sidebar.

Please spread the word about our current project by tweeting about it, blogging about it, putting their button on your page (the embed code is on their website), and by joining their facebook group.

Three of my bestest girlfriends are getting together tomorrow to make some kits with me. We are really excited to be doing something so worthwhile and I will be adding pictures to my flickr page and to the Craft Hope flickr page.

Go on. Get stuck in.

Nourish Me:: Week Three - The Poets Muse

2011-02-14T19:32:00.001+11:00

nour·ish·ment

a. The act of nourishing.

b. The state of being nourished.

2. Something that nourishes; food.

Well hello thar! Welcome to Week Three of Nourish Me. Glad you could come. Sit down, grab yourself a cuppa and share the nourishy love.

This week so many things are nourishing my parched soul I feel full to overflowing. Let me share.

First of all this photo posted by Laura of Warmth and Light Photography (as part of her first nourishment post, no less), made my little heart sing.

What I love most about this picture is it is all taken in and around MY HOME! She has reminded me so beautifully, through her sensual and inspirational photography, that my home is a source of nourishment. Through her creative eye, I see my home, my world in a new and magical way. A way that deepens my connection to this place as a place of spiritual renewal and peace. That is truly a gift.

Ok. This is a fun little creative tool that I've rediscovered recently. I used to do this a lot - when my creativity was really flowing. When you are surrounded by words in this way - sensual words, passionate words, descriptive words, funny words - then you find that your mind naturally wants to collaborate with them. To play. To bring them to life. To enjoy them. And so this week I bring you...

Fridge Poetry

Oh yes, I did!

From the sublime

To the ridiculous

So. Much. Fun.

You can buy fridge poetry magnets from any bookstore. They even come in the language of Shakespeare! I kid you not.

Go and buy some.

Right now. I'll wait.

Then get to work people and send me a link to your favourites! I loves it, I tells ya.

Finally. I have been on a course that has required me to take a self-portrait every day for the last seven days. I honestly thought it would be a bit of a chore. Especially as I have just a dinky little digital and not a big impressive camera with, you know, attachments and shit. But, I found it strangely satisfying. I really enjoy photography and one day hope to own a grown up camera with an adult lens of some sort. But until that gratifying day arrives, I shall piddle about thusly.

For more portraits and other stuff, check out my Flickr site.

Ok. That's enough nourishment for one week! Please do join us and link back to this site with your nourishing forays. It's so good to share. I will get a button sorted out and I will get a list of people who are joining in with the nourishment weekly if you leave me a comment with your name and URL.

Have a fantabulous week.

Mwah!

Life Up close

2011-02-14T11:46:00.000+11:00

Heart Shaped pureed pumpkin cubes. What can I say. I love my wee Bear.

{this moment}

2011-02-12T16:56:00.000+11:00

Photo by Beanie

Life Up Close

2011-02-09T17:20:00.000+11:00

Photo & Henna by Laura of Warmth and Light Photography

Nourish Me:: Week Two - The Happy Little Camper

2011-02-07T01:08:00.001+11:00

I love the smell of Ducks in the morning. It smells like Camping.

Well, I would have done this post last week but I was away nourishing myself, wasn't I! Deep in the depths of darkest Lorne on the Great Ocean Road.

So here I am now to tell you all a little story. It's a story about a woman who (very nervously) went camping for the first time in 20 - yes, you read it correctly - that's 20 years. And how she cooked outside, wee'd outside, showered in a communal block, swam (well, more like undulated like a dugong) in the surf, turned the colour of a small girls tutu (which I have renamed the colour 'Ow!'), roasted marshmallows over an open fire (and smoke really DOES get in your eyes), gazed in awe and admiration at the star flooded sky, built river rock sculptures (in the company of eels) and smiled with delight as her confident little four year old invaded neighbouring tents with her new little friends and roamed about like the wild wee beastie she is meant to be. The woman also got bitten TWICE by bull ants (OW! Fucking OW!) on two separate days and on the third was attacked by a vicious March Fly. It was...well quite wonderful actually. Turns out I AM an outdoor Kat after all. Who knew?

Gravity has no power here...

Inspired by this magnificent creature (amongst others), we too spent an inordinate amount of time trying to defy the laws of gravity with heavy objects. Until small boys with no sense of awe decided that it would be fun to lob big rocks at them until they all disappeared back into the watery depths from whence they came. As Flight of the Conchords said so beautifully.."There are too many Mother Uckers, Uckin with my Shi"

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...The View... (from our tent).

See if you can spot the Spirit faces.

I did need more than just a casual relationship with coffee mind you and next time I go camping, I will be taking my cafetiere with me. I had to keep insisting we go into Lorne itself to get a caffeine fix! Apart from that though and some seriously high winds, we had a BALL.

I spent more time outdoors than I have in too long a while. Beanie absolutely blossomed - she's as brown as a nut and just loved all the swimming, exploring, building fairy houses, meeting new kids to play with - the whole shebang. It really is a magical experience for a child. One night we let her stay up with us to roast marshmallows over the open fire and see the stars. We all lay on the ground and tried to spot shooting stars. Then, tired and full of gooey loveliness, we trotted back under canvas and snuggled under the covers listening to the sounds of Koala's growling across the water.

Oh! And we saw one. In the wild. Sleeping up a tree just at the back of our tent. Michael has lived his whole life in Australia and never seen a real live Koala in a tree in nature. It was spectacular.

I got a feeling for what it is like to live in community with other families. I met some wonderful women and their kids. I connected with others of my 'Clan' and I felt like I belonged there. I was reminded of what I don't see so much any more - women sitting around sharing food, drinks and wisdom while their kids do what kids should be doing - ride their bikes, scream, play tag, paddle in the river, play hide and seek, invade tents, dig holes and bury themselves in them, explore rock pools, go for stupidly long walks, swim in waterfalls and bring home small dead crabs. Not a DS or a computer or a mobile phone (no reception as luck would have it) in sight. It was so natural and I didn't know I missed it until it was there again.

I returned home from the trip feeling refreshed (though supremely glad to be in my own bed again - ah lovely bed, how I missed you!). The green, the sound of running water, the fresh air, the great outdoors - it was all a balm to my scratchy, battered, weary soul. It soothed and inspired me and I came back better for the experience.

I never thought I would be a happy camper, but I am and we are now busily planning our next trip.

I leave you with more visual nourishment of the mirthful kind.

Naughty Toes, Good Toes...

Sand Mamma - I eat? Yes?

I laugh in the face of physics...mwahahahaa

So what's nourishing you this week? Write about it, share it, inspire others and remember to link it back to here.

{this moment}

2011-02-04T13:22:00.000+11:00

Life Up Close

2011-01-25T21:44:00.000+11:00

The Cheshire Cat

Beanie, Finn and I spent the day at the beach in Frankston admiring the wonderful sand sculptures. The theme this year was 'Creepy Crawlies', but I just so loved the Cheshire Cat's grin. I have added a few more piccies of the day because there really was just an abundance of things to grin at.

Bed Bugs

Lair of the Spider Goddess

A tribute to Tim Burton (obviously!)

Gorgeous Tree Spirit - reminds me of the ones from The Lord of the Rings

The Flea Circus

We had a grand old time which included Beanie careering down the longest, highest slides she had ever been on (and which had, not seconds previously, frightened a 10 year old!) with the hugest grin on her face.

That's my girl. Adventurous little boggwoppit that she is. Love it!

Back to blog the nourishment in the next day or two.

Byeee

{this moment}

2011-01-22T00:46:00.001+11:00

The Awakened Heart

Oh. Hells. Yeah.

MOVING MY BLOG

This Moment

I Am Giving It Away - Literally!

{This Moment}

Blogger Has ISHEWS

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

Beskow Bonanza!

{This Moment}

{This Moment}

Nourish Me:: Week Ten:: Putting Myself First

The Perfect Kiss

{this moment}

A Little Birdie Told Me

{this moment}

{this moment}

Nourish Me:: Week Nine - Keep Calm...

SJK Handspun Blue Face Leicester Light-Bulky

Apple of My Sky (109g-157yds)

from SeeJayneKnitYarns on Etsy

{this moment}

{this moment}

Swaptastic!

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. .

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Nourish Me:: Week Eight - I Spy

A Question of Faith

{This Moment}

Nourish Me:: Week Seven - Moment by Moment

{This Moment}

{this moment}

Nourish Me:: - Week Six - Bite Me

Right now, my nourishment is coming in sweet little bite size pieces:

{this moment}

Nothing Compares To You

{This Moment}

February in Review

February in Review

Nourish Me:: Week Five - A World in Colour

{This Moment}

I Think My Cat Is Trying To Kill Me

Life Up Close

Nourish Me:: Week Four - Random Acts of Kindness

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma.

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Craft Hope - Birthing Kits for Konbit Sante

Nourish Me:: Week Three - The Poets Muse

Life Up close

{this moment}

Life Up Close

Nourish Me:: Week Two - The Happy Little Camper

{this moment}

Life Up Close

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemamma. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
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